Life around Hope Horsemanship after the Vermont trip has not slowed down much but it has changed tracks. Khaleesi has been on a work break due to a broken saddle and some trailer repairs that surfaced unexpectedly. These have take over a month to get sorted out and the saddle and trailer are both repaired and ready to go.
Meanwhile I have gone back to the round pen, and made some nutritional adjustments for Khaleesi. I have had a harder time than usual keeping weight on her this season and through testing, found some mineral deficiencies that I’ve adjusted. I also took a step back to realize the severe drought we had in our area the last two years have meant finding quality hay was tough. Though I was thankful we always had hay to feed, I have noticed with this year’s new hay- now enjoying rain and sun – the quality is markedly better, and now going on two months of feeding it along with a month of supplementing missing nutrients, she is looking more like her old self again.
As for the round pen, it has been nice to take some time with what I consider my “oldest child,” the solid one I count on. I started Khaleesi as a four-year old with basic “natural horsemanship” that included a lot of drive/draw methods and today I am looking at how that worked out. Many would say it worked great. She is obedient and compliant to the task at hand, and I don’t have problems that are safety concerns. Because of this, I spend less time checking in with her and finding quality time to test our connection and relationship. Yet, what we have is significantly less than what I want with her. I hope for a willing connected relationship where we work together and the process does not cause her to shut down and “get it done” so she can go back to the rest of her happy life that does not include me.
Khaleesi is a more independent and confident horse than Wyoming, and that is helpful, but also comes with a downside. Our history together has been my own growth journey, and for much of it I haven’t been the same leader I am today. In our history, I have not been the consistent leader she would look to for peace and protection. She seems to think she’s covering that on her own most of the time. Like an oldest child who grew up with new parents trying to figure it out and doing their best…
Today, however, I continue to deepen my understanding and experience. I am developing patience, clarity, and confidence, and these play into the leadership an independent mare can recognize. This break we had from so much riding and physical training opened some opportunity to reconnect in a better way.
This brings me to the gap that Harry Whitney talks about.
(My best paraphrase follows):
Humans have the ability to learn not only by experience, but by observing or gaining understanding. This means we get a concept or see something is possible before we have the ability to do it ourselves in practice. This is a gap between what we want to do and what we can do. We experiment, and try, and grow, and we become more able to replicate what we want to see, and that’s good. However while this is happening, during the closing of the gap between what we envision and what we can accomplish, the understanding begins to creep up with new possibility and we push the bar farther out of what we want to do — always beyond what we are capable of. This is how we keep growing, and it’s a good thing. However, if you’re not careful, you’ll get discouraged because you know what you want to see and it isn’t what is happening. You need to find a way to remind yourself of where you’ve been, not only looking forward to where you want to be. There will always be a gap of where you are and where you want to be. That’s good. But remember where you’ve been and how far you’ve come or you can get really discouraged in this process.
This reminder hit home once again on the last day of the Floyd Harry Whitney Clinic (hosted by Tom Moates). I can see that I am continually becoming a leader that Khaleesi can trust and let down increasing layers of protection built in during the early years when I was working in a driving mode. She can only find transformation through experience. I can’t tell her I’m trying to learn better ways. Well I do actually sometimes tell her… but she won’t know it until I carry those better ways consistently into our work together, and not fall back on the expedient things that get it done quicker, and driving a horse is expedient…
I am changing. Each year I am learning to operate differently and resting increasingly in the truth that I want the process over the product. Each year I care less about the speed of the outcome and more about the quality of it. I still have to apologize to my horse from time to time, but it’s less often. I believe the future of the relationship I am building with Khaleesi is going to be better than our past. Even as I keep seeing more growth available ahead of me.
This gap doesn’t only exist in a horsemanship journey. It is real for all people in all things we take on in life. It’s true for hobbies, relationships, health, work and career, and personal growth. I am somehow programmed with a love for this gap and diving into the gap keeps me getting out of bed some mornings. Depending on the area of my life, it also makes me not want to get out of bed some mornings! But I actually love the gap because if we aren’t growing and increasing our capacity, what are we doing?
I have also come to see not everyone loves the gap. And I can see relationships gone sideways because I didn’t understand that at times- and have a little more compassion for those who find the gap exhausting and frustrating. I suppose finding this insight, even if it’s later in life, is also growth. I am grateful for the people who have been patient with me as I dive headlong into the gap year after year seeking to pursue the thing that will never be achieved this side of the grave. It takes a special kind of companion on the journey to swim in that stream and those who are either in the pace boat or swimming along, I say thank you! Regardless of how much I love the process, it cannot be done alone.
Today the year is more than half over already and some of the big milestones have been hit or missed. As I look ahead I have some ideas to press into Khaleesi’s potential for next year and we plan to finish the 2025 season at the Fort Valley ride in October. My continued confidence in the process is bringing nice changes in the work with Wyoming, and I will continue to post up some work videos that include the good, the bad, and some of the ugly in our sessions. I am also enjoying the partnership with the Akhal-Teke Foundation and the horse I worked in the Harry Whitney Clinic this year was one of their young mares, Swan Ysk Doretmek (Dory). I was able to put on Dory’s first rides at the end of the clinic under Harry’s guidance, and I’m continuing the work with her back in Lexington.
The Hope Horsemanship HQ continues to expand within the confines of our tiny horse farm footprint, and Matt is building a tiny rustic cabin that will offer housing for those who are looking to come onsite. We are building some experience frameworks for all ages of people with horses and people without them who want to see what transformation is available when we leave our fears and anxiety behind.
We hope to be onsite in the HHHQ the weekend of October 4-5 here in Bath County, VA for one of our fun and fabulous Tom Moates clinics if the spaces fill. We have openings for both horse participants and auditors for those who are swimming to gap and want to improve the quality of their horsemanship work alongside us! Contact Jaime@HopeHorsemanship.com to reserve a spot or get confirmation the clinic is happening for auditors.
If you want to see the work with Wyoming, the YouTube channel is live, and the last three videos from a recent work session (before Harry’s clinic) is available here: Foundations Playlist
Stay tuned, we’re always swimming the gap, and looking for others in the gap community to encourage and find connection with. Don’t forget to look back once in a while to remember just how far you’ve come. In the words of Ronnie Moyer: It’s direction, not perfection that counts!
Hope Horsemanship 