Hope Horsemanship

Tag: natural horsemanship

  • I’ve Never Had a Connection Like That Before…

    I’ve Never Had a Connection Like That Before…

    This is something I have begun to take for granted.

    Jaime taking input from Tom – after a few minutes of giving Wyoming time to make the choice to accept the side pull at liberty. She is trying, but you can see some tension in her neck and she has some concerns lingering

    Connection has become a buzz word in the horse community, but looking at all the interviews and taglines that use the word, I wonder: what exactly are we all talking about? I don’t think we all mean the same thing when we talk about connection. I can’t be totally sure though because as I waited for it through even hour long podcasts… I have never yet heard it defined. 

    This brought me to consider what do I think it means?

    To me, connection with a horse is when the horse is present in the moment in the physical space with me both in mind and body. The horse is available, responsive, and willing to try when I ask something — regardless if the request is known or new. With connection there is a calm mind, relaxed body, and sense of peace between us. 

    Connection is not 100% on or off, at least not in my experience. It is a place we find with increasing regularity as I honor the freedom of the horse and convince the horse through experience that I am a safe place to be available for connection.  This means I cannot use force or punishment to get something done. This trust is established through clarity, timing, and patience. The higher level of these skills a human carries, the quicker the trust is established. Horses have a range of natural tendencies and while some horses demand close to perfection from a handler to relinquish their own plans, some horses are pretty forgiving of bad timing, poor clarity, and other mistakes that introduce various levels of confusion or negate feel to the process. 

    Jaime looking to re-establish connection with Wyoming as her mind went elsewhere

    There have been years I thought I had connection with Khaleesi. She was the horse I started with the only tools I had at the time which were basically (for lack of better language) Natural horsemanship which I define generally as a horse training method built on the concepts of increasing and driving pressure. *Your definition of Natural Horsemanship may differ, but in this article I’ll give mine for clarity*

    Direct, driving pressure and the punishment factor of increasing pressure until a response comes… well, it works. I was thrilled with how well it went as I used this approach to start four-year-old Khaleesi. I look back now and see I equated obedience and timely response to connection. Some people equate close proximity to connection. Some people have told me grooming a horse is a point of connection. Some people equate solid training to connection. *Grooming a horse, or having the horse respond in a timely way etc of course can be done in connection, but it can also be without connection, therefore they are not evidence of connection.*

    Ilana Starkey working to establish connection with Mia who began present in body but not in mind due to the worry over being separated from her pasture mate Mia

    Though I don’t think it’s useful to anthropomorphize horses, I have found parallel examples in good relationships across the board that help my understanding and adjust my approach. I have experienced being at the same table as another person and yet be completely disconnected from them. I have been in a conversation with someone- even someone I like and have a relationship to – and been actively disconnecting from them, especially if the conversation feels intended to control or manipulate me. 

    I have seen examples of controlling parents whose children grow into very obedient, good kids and also clearly have little meaningful connection to their parents. Unfortunately I think many parents of the ideal obedient kids confuse good behavior and wanting to please with actual connection. I have seen this between horses and humans too. The more I’ve observed about connection the more amazed I am when a good connection is in place, and I’ve realized it is unfortunately rare both in human-human relationships and human-horse ones. 

    Real connection has to have choice, and cannot exist when there is fear of punishment. In humans or horses. The challenge I find is how fine the line can be separating consequences and boundaries from punishment, and indirect pressure from direct pressure. One way I discern in myself how I’m doing, is the concept that we only get two motivation choices in life: fear and love. Punishment and control comes from fear, consequences and true boundaries are rooted in love and have the primary goal of reconnecting when the connection is lost.

    Here Mia makes a choice to give Ilana a try. For a moment she is present and connected.

    Disconnection is painful and stressful within ourselves, the people around us, and with our horses. Unfortunately most of us have learned to live in that as a way of life- look at all the anxiety and stress we endure day to day. 

    This leads me to the number one factor I have found in getting better connection: above all things, do not fear — seek the truth.

    I write all of my blog posts from personal experience with the hope someone else might find it relatable and encouraging. If you experience this, you are not alone. I am getting better at accepting the bald faced truth as the years go on. In years past, I couldn’t always face the harsh reality and what it revealed about my shortcomings. I knew where I wanted to be and found myself looking for any tiny piece of evidence that I had already arrived, and built an alternate reality I preferred around those scraps.

    Today I know that the opposite has been more life changing: I look for all the places where things are not what I hope for, and I dig deeper to find out why and how to clean them up and grow. In those former seasons I can see I had less confidence that the direction I was walking would ever actually bring me to the place I believed it would, and I realize I had too much of my identity wrapped up in this hope being truth. If it didn’t pan out… surely everything would fall apart around me.

    Of course no one else out there reading this has probably ever realized they have way too much of their own identity wrapped up in something around a horse… the performance, success, good behavior, approval from others, ability to achieve a goal, etc. I’m sure that’s only me.

    Over time I learned the truth always sets me free and I don’t have the be afraid of it. There is no failure, only learning. Ironically, operating under the fear of failure and fear of what could really be happening, kept me from the connection I desired most. Fear always destroys connection, within human and horse relationships. I doubt I’m alone in noticing there is a LOT of fear between horses and humans- on all sides of the conversation.

    There is no failure- only learning

    That being said, for at least three years now, my understanding of connection has been the goal of all my work sessions with any horse. Ideally above anything other goal. I still miss the point sometimes and get distracted by achieving something especially if we are so close. Still, increasingly, my horses have begun to experience this approach as a way of life. 

    I’ve begun to take it for granted.

    Jaime waiting patiently for Wyoming to “come through” on a request by the reins to step her hind over. Giving the mare the time she needs to think and process and respond without increase in pressure or driving her around will build stronger trust and connection.

    Then something came to light last weekend during a clinic with Tom Moates here at Hope Horsemanship. I invited a teenage girl who has an unusual drive to go deeper with her horse journey, to work with Khaleesi. She had never been here before, and never met K. Her horse experience has been riding horses in multiple training barns in her home area mostly in eventing and jumping disciplines, as well as a few endurance rides. She does not currently have her own horse.

    We brought K to her in the arena and handed over the lead rope. This brave young girl stood in front of strangers having never met this horse, and never having worked with a horse in the manner we have been learning, and waited for some guidance of what to do.

    Tom walked her through some basic activities and she tried to execute the concepts with this stranger in front of her with four legs and a tail. She picked up the concepts quickly and did her best to go through some simple tasks. Sometimes she was coordinated with good timing and the clarity was rewarded with a beautiful execution. Sometimes she was slightly off, a bit clunky with the request and not as clear. These had less than ideal results. Regardless, K was available to the two legged stranger holding the lead rope and stayed clearly connected to her as they worked. 

    What I noticed as they worked together, was the connection I had been building in the horse was actually available to a stranger, as long as she approached the relationship in good faith and a similar mindset. It was not about the right buttons of a well trained horse. 

    The girl was attempting to ask K to walk a circle around her and could have accomplished that significantly faster by pushing Khaleesi’s nose out and driving her hind end with a rope tail. Walking a circle however was not the goal. The true goal was learning how to direct the horse’s thought, and how to do a thing together without creating disconnection. Driving the horse with pressure at the hind end, which engages the natural flight mode of the horse, which is in the sympathetic nervous system, which brings up adrenaline and worry, would have weakened the connection they had established. 

    I think about the times when someone used manipulation or threat to engage me in an activity. I can think of experiences where this was done subtly, in nice tones, or even making it sound like it’s a good deal for me. I still feel the intent behind it and though I may decide to comply because it’s probably in my best interest, I don’t feel great about the relationship. Even at a low level, I know when I’m being threatened or manipulated. Horses do too. Driving the horse, EVEN IF it only took a small amount of pressure, comes with a different feeling from the horse. This quick response looks more impressive to an undiscerning audience. The ego likes a quick response, even at the cost of the connection.

    The pair did magnificently, though the session was slightly boring to an onlooker, and I wondered if it may have been boring to a teenager. We often joke that good horsemanship is about as exciting as watching paint dry.  The girl had a really beautiful session and clearly Khaleesi was relaxed and connected to her through the entire hour. Curious to know the truth of how she felt about the potentially boring work, I asked her directly later in the day. I was pleased and a little surprised as she bubbled over with joy. Her words were:

    “I loved it! I’ve never felt what it was like to have that kind of real connection with a horse before.”

    The girl was not short on various experiences with many horses. She had ridden multiple horses in various disciplines over years already, enjoyed grooming time with some, spent quiet time in pasture with domestic herds, had to count on an equine partner to navigate jumps and ride 25 and 50 mile endurance rides, and it was this horse she only had just met once where she saw a new potential in what was possible.

    I was particularly pleased to see the long term shift in my own approach to my horses created an availability for connection that transferred to a stranger- even one “uneducated” to my way of working. I was reminded not to take that beautiful truth for granted. This kind of real connection is an amazing gift, between humans, but even more between humans and animals. I think it’s what we are wired for and desire above all else.

    Tom working to help Breeze let down his tension and concerns, to connect in softness, and be guided around the barrels

    All around us, when true connection eludes us, we still deeply desire it. This brings confusion and displacement. We will settle for a poor substitute trying to convince ourselves it’s the real thing: obedience, control, achievement, positive outcomes at any cost. I have been guilty of mistaking those things for connection or trying to find connection with those around me through them. In this model, it’s like the horse has to “disappear” for our demands, and if they comply we think all is well. 

    There is an opposite swing equally problematic. In trying to fix my tendency to force things to happen, I swung through phases of letting my horse lead too much of the relationship. I spent time only listening to the horse, and accepting all of their input without showing up to question, lead, or direct. When I was in that mode, I “disappeared” and didn’t show up authentically to participate in the connection. Horses are desperately seeking good leadership. Over time in this mode, I see horses become harder and harder to interact with and manage. It’s confusing I believe when we “show up” physically but don’t “show up” in a meaningful way. When we pull horses into a human world and put them in our care, we owe it to them to lead and direct them in a way that honors them and is not afraid of meeting them in the connection with our own honest best. 

    The entire process begins when we are honest about our fears and face them. Fear isn’t bad or good- it is an indicator. If you are afraid of your horse, be real about it. There is a reason and there is a path forward. Maybe the horse has real issues that need higher level of experience to address in order to bring the anxiety level down to something more safe to work with. Sometimes our fears are that we will fail, and the horse ends up carrying all of that counterproductive weight. Sometimes the fears are completely unfounded and not based in reality, but in past experiences that never got cleaned up and dealt with.  Those past experiences have to be dealt with inside our own minds and hearts in order to show up fully in the present, available to connection with the horse in front of us. 

    Jaime & Wyoming in a good moment together, Wyoming is soft and relaxed and present both mentally and physically

    Fear can be valuable, and the truth sets us free. 

    This is the journey to connection. The great thing is, it’s available to everyone. The stronger we become in addressing fears, walking in freedom, and the confidence to love without fear, the more we have to offer those around us- horses and humans alike!

    The photos in this blog post are all courtesy of Christian Andrew (Christian Marsh Photography) who was visiting with us one day of the clinic. Christian is working on a book featuring Tom Moates. Stay tuned for more information on that project!

  • Mind the Gap

    Mind the Gap

    Life around Hope Horsemanship after the Vermont trip has not slowed down much but it has changed tracks. Khaleesi has been on a work break due to a broken saddle and some trailer repairs that surfaced unexpectedly. These have take over a month to get sorted out and the saddle and trailer are both repaired and ready to go.

    Meanwhile I have gone back to the round pen, and made some nutritional adjustments for Khaleesi. I have had a harder time than usual keeping weight on her this season and through testing, found some mineral deficiencies that I’ve adjusted. I also took a step back to realize the severe drought we had in our area the last two years have meant finding quality hay was tough. Though I was thankful we always had hay to feed, I have noticed with this year’s new hay- now enjoying rain and sun – the quality is markedly better, and now going on two months of feeding it along with a month of supplementing missing nutrients, she is looking more like her old self again. 

    As for the round pen, it has been nice to take some time with what I consider my “oldest child,” the solid one I count on. I started Khaleesi as a four-year old with basic “natural horsemanship” that included a lot of drive/draw methods and today I am looking at how that worked out. Many would say it worked great. She is obedient and compliant to the task at hand, and I don’t have problems that are safety concerns. Because of this, I spend less time checking in with her and finding quality time to test our connection and relationship. Yet, what we have is significantly less than what I want with her. I hope for a willing connected relationship where we work together and the process does not cause her to shut down and “get it done” so she can go back to the rest of her happy life that does not include me.

    Khaleesi unsure I have anything to offer her…
    K lets down for a moment and finds peace with an imperfect human

    Khaleesi is a more independent and confident horse than Wyoming, and that is helpful, but also comes with a downside. Our history together has been my own growth journey, and for much of it I haven’t been the same leader I am today. In our history, I have not been the consistent leader she would look to for peace and protection.  She seems to think she’s covering that on her own most of the time. Like an oldest child who grew up with new parents trying to figure it out and doing their best…

    Today, however, I continue to deepen my understanding and experience. I am developing patience, clarity, and confidence, and these play into the leadership an independent mare can recognize. This break we had from so much riding and physical training opened some opportunity to reconnect in a better way.

    This brings me to the gap that Harry Whitney talks about. 

    (My best paraphrase follows): 

    Humans have the ability to learn not only by experience, but by observing or gaining understanding. This means we get a concept or see something is possible before we have the ability to do it ourselves in practice. This is a gap between what we want to do and what we can do. We experiment, and try, and grow, and we become more able to replicate what we want to see, and that’s good. However while this is happening, during the closing of the gap between what we envision and what we can accomplish, the understanding begins to creep up with new possibility and we push the bar farther out of what we want to do — always beyond what we are capable of. This is how we keep growing, and it’s a good thing. However, if you’re not careful, you’ll get discouraged because you know what you want to see and it isn’t what is happening. You need to find a way to remind yourself of where you’ve been, not only looking forward to where you want to be. There will always be a gap of where you are and where you want to be. That’s good. But remember where you’ve been and how far you’ve come or you can get really discouraged in this process.

    This reminder hit home once again on the last day of the Floyd Harry Whitney Clinic (hosted by Tom Moates). I can see that I am continually becoming a leader that Khaleesi can trust and let down increasing layers of protection built in during the early years when I was working in a driving mode. She can only find transformation through experience. I can’t tell her I’m trying to learn better ways. Well I do actually sometimes tell her… but she won’t know it until I carry those better ways consistently into our work together, and not fall back on the expedient things that get it done quicker, and driving a horse is expedient…

    Harry, Dory, Jaime & Kevin (From the Akhal-Teke Foundation) on the last day of clinic in Floyd, VA

    I am changing. Each year I am learning to operate differently and resting increasingly in the truth that I want the process over the product. Each year I care less about the speed of the outcome and more about the quality of it. I still have to apologize to my horse from time to time, but it’s less often. I believe the future of the relationship I am building with Khaleesi is going to be better than our past. Even as I keep seeing more growth available ahead of me.

    This gap doesn’t only exist in a horsemanship journey. It is real for all people in all things we take on in life. It’s true for hobbies, relationships, health, work and career, and personal growth. I am somehow programmed with a love for this gap and diving into the gap keeps me getting out of bed some mornings. Depending on the area of my life, it also makes me not want to get out of bed some mornings! But I actually love the gap because if we aren’t growing and increasing our capacity, what are we doing? 

    I have also come to see not everyone loves the gap. And I can see relationships gone sideways because I didn’t understand that at times- and have a little more compassion for those who find the gap exhausting and frustrating. I suppose finding this insight, even if it’s later in life, is also growth. I am grateful for the people who have been patient with me as I dive headlong into the gap year after year seeking to pursue the thing that will never be achieved this side of the grave. It takes a special kind of companion on the journey to swim in that stream and those who are either in the pace boat or swimming along, I say thank you! Regardless of how much I love the process, it cannot be done alone. 

    Wyoming is feeling better about working together each session

    Today the year is more than half over already and some of the big milestones have been hit or missed. As I look ahead I have some ideas to press into Khaleesi’s potential for next year and we plan to finish the 2025 season at the Fort Valley ride in October. My continued confidence in the process is bringing nice changes in the work with Wyoming, and I will continue to post up some work videos that include the good, the bad, and some of the ugly in our sessions. I am also enjoying the partnership with the Akhal-Teke Foundation and the horse I worked in the Harry Whitney Clinic this year was one of their young mares, Swan Ysk Doretmek (Dory). I was able to put on Dory’s first rides at the end of the clinic under Harry’s guidance, and I’m continuing the work with her back in Lexington. 

    First Ride on Dory under the guidance of Harry Whitney

    The Hope Horsemanship HQ continues to expand within the confines of our tiny horse farm footprint, and Matt is building a tiny rustic cabin that will offer housing for those who are looking to come onsite. We are building some experience frameworks for all ages of people with horses and people without them who want to see what transformation is available when we leave our fears and anxiety behind. 

    Matt and our nephew working on the Transformation Lodge foundation

    We hope to be onsite in the HHHQ the weekend of October 4-5 here in Bath County, VA for one of our fun and fabulous Tom Moates clinics if the spaces fill. We have openings for both horse participants and auditors for those who are swimming to gap and want to improve the quality of their horsemanship work alongside us! Contact Jaime@HopeHorsemanship.com to reserve a spot or get confirmation the clinic is happening for auditors.

    Tom Moates at a recent clinic explaining a concept to a participant in the round pen

    If you want to see the work with Wyoming, the YouTube channel is live, and the last three videos from a recent work session (before Harry’s clinic) is available here: Foundations Playlist

    Stay tuned, we’re always swimming the gap, and looking for others in the gap community to encourage and find connection with. Don’t forget to look back once in a while to remember just how far you’ve come. In the words of Ronnie Moyer: It’s direction, not perfection that counts!

  • The Live Wild Beating Heart

    The Live Wild Beating Heart

    We seem to be entering a new season here on the ground at Hope Horsemanship! Over the winter we have done a lot of work breaking new ground and with the emergence of Spring, we have facilities in place to do more activities right here at home. Over the weekend we hosted our first Roving Clinic with the majority of the activities right on the ground on our tiny little horse farm. I took a video tour and will include the link at the end.

    Sunday at the Hope Horsemanship Clinic with Tom Moates coaching Abigail

    As the clinic approached and a new season seemed so clearly springing up, I considered Wyoming who I would be working with on both days. Where were we and what did I want to focus on with her sessions? How is it possible that after seven years there is still so much trouble in that mare? What was her life about here with me, and have I failed her? 

    When I found her online through a TIP trainer in the Mustang Heritage Foundation, I was looking for a companion for my small herd that could be a solid trail riding mount and teach me more about horses. I considered her- born in the wild – a native so to speak. Who better to learn horse from than a wild mustang who should come with pretty pure horse language and instincts? 

    Her description was a well-started mare who needed some miles and experience. She was a pretty and nicely built red dun, and seemed like exactly what I was looking for. That was seven years ago. Things did not go as expected.

    I have since come to see the horse you will learn a lot from is not usually also the horse that is a solid nice trail horse anyone with a little experience can enjoy. These are two very different kinds of horses!

    There is a saying in the Bible from Paul that God can do anything- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or think to request in your wildest dreams. He doesn’t do it by pushing us around, but by working within us… (the Message edition). This is certainly true.

    God has a sense of humor and loves me, so he didn’t give me a solid riding mount. I already had one of those. I got the learning horse and I got it big. I brought home an enigma that catalyzed an epic adventure I would probably not have agreed to had I seen it coming. Of course that’s the best kind, and the more steps I take into the wild, the more I realize this is the only kind of life I want to be engaged in. In fact, if I thought at this point things were settling down into a predictable solid life I could maintain on my own devices, I’d likely fall into a hopeless depression at this point. How boring that story would seem now.

    Wyoming did not comply with the accepted natural horsemanship style training that I was immersed in. Even if she may have been able to function within that paradigm, to ensure our journey, clearly I did not possess the skillset to get it done, and in the area I live no one I found was offering anything much different. The mare would not travel in a trailer, so the possibility of sending her farther out to someone who might have been able to jam her into compliance with more creative tools was off the table as well.

    We were stuck with each other, and if anyone was going to help this horse- it was going to be me- and we were not going anywhere. I was going to need help, and it was going to have to come to us. Somehow help was going to have to travel to the most remote, least populated counties in the Virginia Mountains. To add layers of complication, I did not even have my own property to hold these education events, and I didn’t have the kind of funding it would have taken to simply hire a good professional from afar to come and give me a private training window. Clearly it would take a community here in the remote mountains and looking back, it has been a substantial miracle.

    It became pretty clear to me that if God could feed thousands with one kid’s lunch, he could bring the help I needed to this little tiny community and give us a place to do the work. If He was really there, and He cared about this mare, and me, He’d have to show up and do something. 

    He did. Seven years later I am looking around my tiny horse farm, the same place I was living when this all began never imagining it could be a clinic hosting education center- I didn’t even believe until a year ago horses could exist and thrive here. 

    We began this journey with the favor and ridiculous “luck” of the free use of a massive private horse facility! We went from 3,000 acres, indoor arena, outdoor arena, massive barn and large turn out to 3.5 acres and only exactly what we need to come together and grow. On the outside it looks like reduction, but on the inside it’s a huge expansion and a new beginning of a growth season. It’s like a seed that contains everything a massive tree needs to flourish has been planted, the roots have been reaching down and now is beginning to sprout above the surface.

    All because of a red dun mustang mare who wouldn’t get with the program.

    It was just last week the truth flickered to life in front of me as the truth hit me like a stone. This mare is the living, beating heart of Hope Horsemanship. She is the thread that has stitched it all together. She is the reason I’ve delved into approaches including natural horsemanship, the “Ray Hunt” lineup, positive reinforcement, clicker training, “pure” liberty, old school just get it done by force, and anything else I could experiment with because something was going to get a real change. Everything had moments that looked like a shift, but none of them stuck and made the difference. Regardless of what I could get her to do, I still had a horse with deep anxiety and massive brace toward working with people, and who would try with a willingness that I still find unbelievable, and then come to an “I can’t” moment and break down into a chaotic wreck. It’s a miracle neither of us have gotten killed in the process!

    Working on a right direction circle a few years back

    After finding Harry Whitney then Tom Moates I see the path straightening out, but now in her teens there is so much baggage she carries- a significant amount of it before her arrival- but in all my best efforts I too have added to the weight she carries.

    This is also a lesson. Best intentions are often laced with unintended very real negative consequences. Such is life. We do our best to unravel the tangles we make in our attempts to grow, we trust God to redeem it, and we have grace with others who are making tangled messes in their own efforts. Then I also remind myself to keep trying even though in a time to come I’ll look back on the tangles I’m still making as I try today. It’s ok. Change is possible and growth does come to those who don’t give up. Let grace abound.

    I always learn deep things when I spend time with Wyoming. Sunday, I was pressing on anxiety she carried walking around me, loose in the pen, to the right. She could tolerate walking to the left, but when asked to the right she showed various degrees of trying to displace her attention to not stay present with me, (sniffing the ground, looking outside the pen).  When I continued to (as gently as possible and still get her mind) bring her attention to our present work and relax and see she will not die… she would break into a trot- movement to dissipate the deep anxiety- and would sweat way more than necessary on this cool breezy day. She was in fight or flight and she chose fight just as many times as flight. Even when the entire pen was available to her she would come into the block I had made in a corner and try to force her way to go back in the left direction before she would consider walking to the right. 

    Wyoming bunched up and anxious about moving in a right direction circle

    We have spent a lot of time over the years making circles on and off a lead rope looking for various things over those years, and in the last two years, relaxation and peace has been a high priority. I can imagine bystanders thinking this is crazy- at what point does one brand the horse broken and move on… leave her alone in the pasture to eventually die or as others have suggested to me: give her to someone who is adept enough to do something useful with the mare, which is clearly not me. And here are the shadow voices echoing in my own mind the same thoughts. 

    Yet I’m borderline belligerent with determination that there is YET hope. Maybe that’s due to my middle name being Hope. Maybe it’s why this enterprise is called Hope Horsemanship. If there is ever a foundational change in this horse it will be the success story of my lifetime. Any sane horse person would have probably walked away from this tangled up knot of anxiety and brace when after three years she still threatens to take me out on a regular basis. So clearly… I am not a sane horse person. I guess I’m ok with that. At this point, I have to know. If she’s not dead yet, there is still hope. 

    Isn’t this what we want to believe about ourselves too? The ones we love? The things they carry that create problems and weight us with anxiety… that while we breathe there is hope for light, love and life to increase?

    Here we are in the pen together on a day of new beginnings, and Wyoming is sick with worry about doing this very simple request, after many years of variations of doing this and not dying. Still she was not “being dramatic” or “making it up” – somewhere in her primitive mustang brain this felt like a survival issue. Still. This was clear to me. To a human it doesn’t make sense, however I know people who deal with severe anxiety and isn’t it the same? Don’t the humans I know with anxiety disorders know somehow that the thing they are about to go into cardiac arrest over is not actually a survival thing, but it doesn’t matter because the reaction is still very real to them?

    I was filled with compassion for this mare. This beating heart of my vision for transformation. I continued to insist that she find the right circle and encouraged her with peace whenever she got even the slightest change, first by taking the direction, then whenever a split second of breathing and relaxation set in. She still couldn’t walk, she had to trot or even canter going that direction, but she began to not fight me every time I asked. She began to choose the open door over the closed one even if the open door felt like death.

    One reason this still felt so life or death for her was because in all the years we have picked up this right circle, she may have complied to avoid the fight with me, she may have made an effort to do the thing physically, but she never broke through to a fundamental change in her mental and emotional systems that she could be ok and relax going to the right around me. She was still deeply unconvinced. The only thing that would change this was experience. The only way to get the experience was to get through it to the other side in a way that was not only obedient, but also relaxed. She would require a handler that could not only get the thing accomplished physically but would be able to help her past the physical into the mental and emotional place before taking off all the pressure so the place she would be left with, after the thing that felt like death, would be a true peace. 

    Chatting with Tom about our riding challenges

    In that pen with me, she is safe and nothing can harm her. Still, she doesn’t know that yet, not really. Not in the way that it is experientially real, and for a horse that is the only way they can know anything. She had to experience the fear of survival, then the submission to it, and then the reality that she is safe and ok.

    How often is this true for me?

    Lately I feel inundated by growth opportunities that feel like a threat to my very survival. I have a sense that God is insisting that I learn in a deeper level that nothing can harm me when I’m in his care, and then remember I’m always in his care. Nothing can take away anything that matters. Nothing can touch me without his consent and only because it will mean I emerge in strength, confidence, and peace having experienced that truth that even though it feels like death, submitting to the storm experience only reveals that I’m completely safe and have nothing to fear. And we are assured that even through death we still have nothing to fear. Even death is not a threat. Tell that to my amygdala!

    A fearless life is a powerful life. Fear is what brings about control and bullying. A fearless life doesn’t have to be so protective and choose to fight, a fearless life walks through open doors that look like death with confidence and find new life, new seasons, and great peace. 

    When Wyoming is in fear of her survival, she chooses to fight me. When she trusts that she is safe she, can hear my direction and walk out to the open space I have prepared for her and carry herself relaxed with confidence. I have seen glimpses of it, and on Sunday she had a significant change when after a gentle request she walked off to the right without displacement, without distraction, and relaxed. She can’t hold this for long yet. Once she begins to walk on water (figuratively) she starts to lose her mind, worry, and go back to her old ways, but it’s a start!

    Change is possible. For Wyoming.

    I believe that Wyoming can continue in the direction of being a horse less anxious about things. I believe I can continue to improve my skills to help her get there. There is not a clear answer to how to do this work. This horse takes more sophisticated observation to know when to do more to press through the hard place, and when to do less because it is going get worse. She’s incredibly sensitive and quick to change for better and worse. The bottom line is I have to get better. The good news is, I can.

    Change is possible. For me.

    I love our community. It’s tight knit and small, but it’s welcoming to new friends. We have folks entering and exiting the circles depending on their season. Many people are hopeful that the horse can be fixed to adjust to their needs and goals when things aren’t working. I have come to believe it’s us that usually needs to adjust to help the horse by finding what they need and supporting them. The change has to start in us, and it must be led by us, and most horses come into alignment with that. Sometimes the horse has enough trouble packed in that it’s too wide a gap to bridge with the time and ability of the owner. As stubborn as I am to commit to bridge building- staying in over a decade is not the right call for everyone. Sometimes it’s just a poor fit and finding a horse you enjoy is really important.

    I am beyond grateful for the companions who are on the epic road with me, because it can get lonely! I am encouraged by the community that continues to grow in support of the long term vision and the commitment to walk together for seasons and for life. I am grateful for the changes that have come to my own heart and life and excited when I get to participate and see first hand the changes that bloom around me. 

    I thought I wanted some training ideas. But what I’ve gotten seven years later is more than I had ever imagined or would have dreamed to ask for.

    It’s not about training for us around the pen and in the arena as we learn together. It’s about transformation.

    And it’s still only the beginning!

    The peaceful quiet after the clinic activity ends and everyone hauls out
  • Path to Vermont Series: Change the way you think

    Path to Vermont Series: Change the way you think

    A local newspaper here in my town has picked up an article series I’m writing about the process of getting a horse and rider prepared for a 100 mile ride. I’m going to repost this (third in the series) article here and remind anyone within driving distance that we’re having our first Roving Clinic of 2025 this weekend, March 22-23, 2025. The fun bonus of this clinic is my amazing husband has been working tirelessly to create a space for us to come together right here on my own land. I had been looking around for a place to do more education events, and Matt looked around and said: let’s just get started here!

    Turns out, he is right! We may be small, but we are a community of powerful horse people who are committed to changing the way we think and helping our horses change the way they think as well. We love to add to the family, and we aren’t “cliquey” – we have a wide variety of people who come to participate and to watch, observe, and learn.

    Now, without further delay, here is the third article about the horse’s mind and why it meant so much to me in my endurance journey.

    It’s amazing how many endurance miles Khaleesi and I have completed without her having a forward thought. I suppose that reveals how much one can force a horse through on sheer willpower and drive. Early on, as I was learning to work with horses, I learned a lot about driving horses around. No, I don’t mean in a truck! I mean the energy or force applied to make a horse move away from pressure. To ride any horse on the most basic level, you have to communicate effectively that a horse go forward, and have the horse do so in response. In my experience, most people approach this by driving the horse. The reason this is such a common approach is probably because it is so effective. Yet, I have since learned you can drive a horse forward without the horse having a forward thought, and this is actually a problem!

    Horses are prey animals and come with the built in response of: run away first, ask questions later. It is pretty easy to get a horse to flee from pressure, however, we don’t actually want them to run away, so we also have to contain them. Generally we do this with a halter and rope, or a round pen. The message is: flee, move, evade, but also, you’re trapped. It’s not a stretch to imagine most horses don’t feel very good about this kind of work. I am now amazed at how many horses do become obedient and responsive to the pressure. I do not think I was alone in mistakenly thinking my horse was doing great with this system.

    I flew across the country a couple winters back to watch Harry Whitney work horses in California. He says that it is good to learn what motions come with a horse’s emotions. Due to the prevalence of working horses in this driving pressure system, it has become less common to see what a horse looks like physically when they are truly relaxed and confident in their work with humans. This was true for me. I remember seeing quick, snappy, obedient responses to my requests, I was sure the horse was happy and life was good. Looking back, I understand now that my horses were moving in tension and avoidance, not soft responsiveness. Their bodies were rigid, braced, and tense.

    This may seem like a tangent for an article series about an endurance team heading to a 100 mile race, but it’s one of the most important things I discovered that led to increasing success at this sport. 

    When driving a horse “away” from pressure, the horse’s attention is on the thing it is fleeing from. If I want my horse to run freely forward over the many miles, I need my horse to be thinking about going forward, not thinking about what is driving from behind. Using the sympathetic nervous system to propel a horse (even at a walk) adds adrenaline to the system which is supposed to be for emergency use only. To compile trouble from the driving approach, the horse is also trying to avoid punishment as he/she anticipates a tap or kick and braces against that force as well. 

    This means a horse driven forward is carrying some level of tension. Strength in movement comes through relaxation, flexibility, and good form. Working for extended time and intensity in tension brings diminished performance and increased injuries. These can be metabolic, like a heart rate that cannot drop for the vet check, or lameness from sustained tension in muscles and joints. This kind of lameness is difficult to diagnose because it doesn’t come from an obvious injury.

    Once again, I speak from experience. For a couple years I wrestled with a mystery intermittent lameness in Khaleesi. I took an entire season off from competing after some disappointing events where we did not complete due to lameness pulls. The trouble was, no one could pinpoint the problem and how to fix it. I had professionals check her hooves and legs, and shoulders, to no avail. I had radiographs done on her feet to see if she had unusually thin soles or signs of arthritis. She had no evidence of problems in the tendons or joints. The lameness would show up both with and without saddle; it would randomly appear when asked to trot on a line or around a circle.

    The reason I now believe it was a result of many miles moving in tension, is because I still find it today, though it is very rare. If I address her thought, the lameness dissolves instantly. In those early years, we were severely lacking a forward thought. I am now convinced a lot of physical problems are a product of the mind resisting the work, which creates brace in the body, leading to physical injuries that are difficult to diagnose and treat.

    After spending some time with Harry Whitney and Tom Moates, I came to understand what a major factor the horse’s thought is. I am amazed at the things that will improve when the mental system comes into alignment. When I began to work with this understanding, it brought the final key that changed our endurance team to stronger finishes and eventually completing our first 100 mile event. 

    Modern horse training, for the most part, teaches people to drive a horse first from the ground by adding pressure to the horse’s hind end. We chase the horse with the tail of a rope or a flag.  Eventually, we move into the saddle and drive either with legs to kick or a crop to tap. Anyone who is about to be kicked or tapped is going to brace in anticipation. That brace in the body acts like a brake, making it hard to move easily. You can drive using the gas and brake at the same time. It works, but is there a better way?

    A better way?

    I want to create a desire for my horse to move freely toward something. Helping a horse create a forward thought is more complex than chasing it to run away from pressure. Once I was able to see the difference of a horse moving in relaxation and strength, I could not “unsee” it. I knew this was the way my horse could have longevity and success in her sport.

    I hear a lot of talk regarding the necessity of moving a horse’s feet. Strangely enough, we rarely put a rope on the feet to ride. We put a halter on the horse’s head and use a lead rope, or a bridle and reins. I’m pretty sure we do this because the horse’s brain is housed there. While I have seen people get a horse to move it’s feet without it’s brain engaged in the same movement, this is not a horse I want to be attached to in any way! I don’t want to crank on a horse’s head for steering, and then drive it with pressure from behind to go. With strong enough levers applied, it can create compliance, but there are some horses who never break into this obedience. These non compliant types become the “problem horses” no one wants to work with. Their future is bleak as they fight against a pressure that does not make sense to them and become dangerous, sometimes even aggressive. Yet, even for the many horses who comply with the driving pressure system, their performance doesn’t compare to the brilliance of a horse who is present and engaged mentally in their work. 

    Khaleesi was, thankfully, a compliant type horse, and I spent years driving her before I knew there was a better way. She was smart enough to get out of punishment by doing what I wanted, but it showed up in her body over time. When I learned how to work with her mind and change her thoughts toward something, I saw the change in her body too. We are now erasing the brace and tension she used to carry, and the flexible strength we are developing is really encouraging. 

    This is a process I really enjoy. I’m still collecting tools on how to get my horse to think forward on down the trail. When that slightly lame gait appears, I don’t panic that a lameness injury is imminent. I shift my approach to get her mind thinking down the road, and when her mind straightens out, so do her legs. It’s amazing!

    This approach of working with horses is not only good for an endurance team, it has become a way of life, and the community around it is creative and engaging! It changes everything we do together from leading on the ground, loading in a trailer, getting better transitions, and certainly getting over a jump. If you want to join us to see it in action, we are meeting in Bath and Highland Counties the weekend of March 22-23. Contact me at Jaime@hopehorsemanship.com for schedule, location, and details. Tom Moates will be working with us and our horses, and he always has some books on hand that make great resources for further understanding on starting with a horse’s thought. 

  • What we don’t say: RESPECT

    What we don’t say: RESPECT

    I’ve heard we all have personal algorithms that are used to feed us opportunities and advertisements that align with our interests. One might imagine I get a lot of horse related nudges anytime I’m grazing the internet. One would be right. 

    Something occurred to me as I read through the ad copy, target written to sell me something. I noticed a few buzz topics, words I remember having a certain weight in past years, and as I read, I pondered: I haven’t had a conversation about some of these things in quite a while. In fact, is it my imagination, or are they missing in the horse community I’ve settled into? As I read questions like: How is your ground work game? Or Does your horse respect you? It was a bit like hearing about someone I used to know well and thinking: hey, yeah, what is she up to now anyway? It’s been forever since we’ve talked.

    I love words. Words matter to me. Sloppy language bothers me. Sometimes I fail at getting just the right word, but I try to express as clearly as possible what I want to communicate, and I spend time and effort to do so. It’s common for communities and industries to share language- terms that to insiders, have particularly meaning often deeper than the surface definition. I love that the current group of horsemanship enthusiasts I have found myself in community with seem to have a similar interest in using words that best express what we intend and not using words that carry a layer we don’t intend.

    One such word I noticed was:

    RESPECT

    I was following a conversation about a horse disrespecting the handler, and realized the “respect peg” was not on my brain wall where I’d last noticed it. Do you think about having “pegs” to hand ideas and information on? I know it’s hard to take in information if there’s no “peg” for it, you have to sometimes start by creating one when learning new things. Once you have a peg, or some might imagine it more like a drawer or a file… you need somewhere to house the information and process it. I think of pegs to hang a concept on. When I read these conversations and questions regarding a horse respecting or disrespecting a human I thought it should have a peg. I have had plenty of past conversations about respect or disrespect in horses, this isn’t new to me, but as I scanned, sure enough, the respect peg was missing. Where had it gone? I hadn’t remembered pulling it out. It was now glaringly absent from my current process of working with horses. That’s odd, I thought. Is this on purpose? Or have I simply not noticed it?

    I put the thought to one of my horse education mentors with the question: is it just me, or do we not talk about “respect” with our horses in this community? 

    No… it wasn’t just me, we don’t tend to use that word. 

    We don’t use the term respect because both respect and disrespect add a layer of emotion that is probably not accurate for the horses in question most of the time. Horses rarely show disrespect in the same way that humans do. In our cultural usage, to disrespect contains a sense of offense or insult. Adding that layer unnecessarily brings an emotion to the table that gets in the way of helping the horse and human find a better connection.

    Horses do have emotional systems. Horses do have feelings, preferences and opinions, however horses are far less inclined to make things personal than humans. When we assign these more human attitudes, we add problems that are not real. This is why our horse community tends to move away from the words respect and disrespect. I don’t think that means it’s impossible for a horse to show disrespect, only that it’s much more rare than the horse world at large seems to believe.

    I took a moment to consider what horse behaviors have been categorized as disrespect in circles from my past. It looked like a horse that invades personal space, possibly stepping on someone, or even runs them over, or ignores a handler completely when their attention is required. None of those behaviors is acceptable, but are they disrespect? 

    I thought about a child and a mom walking in the mall, and something takes the child’s attention (it could be a distraction like an inviting toy store, or a fear, like someone particularly scary looking) and this causes the child to lose track of mom, and run into her, maybe even trip her while walking. Most people would not berate the child for being disrespectful. Probably they would give a short lecture on paying attention and keeping better track of their surroundings- including not walking into people. Some moms would never have gotten tripped because they are prone to notice when the child is becoming distracted and are always three steps ahead. That mom might bring the child’s attention back before the wreck even happens.

    I remember being in a round pen with Khaleesi while Harry Whitney watched us interact. She walked off from me, then paused to smell a poop pile from a previous horse. I was trying to get something done together and she completely checked out on me. She doesn’t tend to run me over, we’ve clarified that pretty well over the years, but in some circles this complete disregard could easily be interpreted as disrespect. Harry observed: Right now that poop pile is of more importance to your horse than you are… I’d probably do something about that.

    That line still rings in my mind and makes me smile. It comes back to me in what appears on the surface to be very different scenarios, but at the core they are the same problem. My horse is more in tune to a poop pile has a similar root issue as another horse about to trample me because of a distraction that took her full attention leaving me of very little importance. In either scenario the problem is that the horse mentally severed our connection and made something else of higher importance. This is not offensive, it simply needs to be addressed. I do not need to add an emotional layer that my horse has just insulted me, rather do something to remind the horse that I need to be the most important thing in her world right now. If she stays mentally present- with me – she is aware of me, and she is not likely to run me over, drag me off, or step on me.

    Ideally I want to find ways to keep the connection, not instill fear. For a prey animal, fear is easy to conjure and use. It takes more thought, creativity, and attention to draw into something that feels good than to drive with something that creates a threat. When we don’t give our horses a reason to stay connected, it is not surprising they are more concerned with their environment and disconnect with us in order to connect with something they think IS important. This can look like keeping tabs on a lawn mower in the next field, or eating grass as we try to walk from barn to arena, or calling to it’s buddy who brings a higher sense of security than we provide.

    In that round pen, as my horse smelled the poop pile, I had some options, this time I banged my flag on the ground next to me. I did not chase her with it or direct it at her as a threat. I used the flag to make an unexpected sound in the environment to interrupt her thought about the poop and get her to ask what was that? It would be similar to yelling hey there! to someone whose attention I was looking for across the yard. I am learning what it means to be of importance to my horse, and hopefully without my horse feeling constantly threatened by me. I want to give my horse repeated experiences that connection with me is the best place to be. I want my horse to find peace, security, and confidence there. This process assumes that I exhibit those things myself (peace and confidence), and I am developing myself to be a leader sufficient for my horse’s needs. Horses are wired to seek a leader they find sufficiently competent to follow. The definition of sufficiently competent can vary widely between horses. That’s an entirely other wormhole for another day.

    Is this about respect? I suppose it depends on your own sense of that word. If respect simply means to you that someone else gives you consideration and attention, and stays in connection so you can work together, then I suppose the word is not a problem. But if you find yourself singing along with Aretha about R-E-S-P-E-C-T… find out what it means to me, and with that word you have shades of offense or insult, it is likely creating a dynamic that won’t help either of you sort out the behavior issues in question.

    Some may eye roll and say it’s about semantics- it’s all the same thing. Some will hold onto the term as a useful way to describe unwanted horse behaviors, but I think my work with the horses around me has become more productive without it. Today if I have an issue with a horse invading my space or checking out, I’m more likely to see it as a lack of attention and connection, and find something that works to bring back the focus and connection in as little threat language as I can.

    If I’m back in the mall with the child who gets distracted, I might call their name in a regular speaking voice and when they check in with me, crisis is averted. However if the child is in the yard and gets focused on a ball across the street and I notice a truck approaching, I might have to get pretty big, yell in a firm voice, and even seem threatening in order to get their attention back. I’ve seen some horses who have become really good at tuning out humans and protecting their disconnection as if their lives depend on it. I’ve seen Harry Whitney get pretty big in his efforts to get that horse to snap into the present and consider making a better choice. The goal, however, is always to bring the horse to a safe place, a place of peace where they feel good about the connection and seek it out- not for fear, but because they feel better there. 

    I can see why we don’t address horses’ disrespect and I had not noticed the concept was missing. We just don’t see truly disrespectful horses very often. I may have never yet seen one in person. We see horses who have strong thoughts about things other than the work we want to do. We see horses who have left their mind with their herd, or the last place they felt safe. We see horses who are afraid, possibly in pain, or don’t believe they can be at peace when connecting with a human. These are the things we begin addressing, and we see what we can do to bring a change for the better. I suppose until I see a horse that is truly disrespectful, I’ll just keep on addressing the problems as they stand and see where it leads, and I’ll leave that respect peg off the wall until I find a need for it.

  • Does my horse love me?

    Does my horse love me?

    I love my horse, but I’ve been asking the question recently: Does my horse love me? Followed by the related questions of do horses love anywhere near the way humans think of love? Does it matter? Can we be friends? What DO I want from my horse and what can I give her? What is best for her needs as a creature in my care?

    I came across an article by Australian horseman Ross Jacobs (Why Can’t I be my Horse’s Best Friend?) where he considered if we are looking for horses to fill an unreasonable expectation of relationship, or if we expect to fill an unreasonable relational position in their world. 

    Today, horses rarely exist as a necessity for our daily lives. Few of us rely on them for life and livelihood. Most of us keep horses by choice for enjoyment. We might participate in an equine sport, trail ride for pleasure, or even use our horses in some chore or farm job, but rarely do we in the developed west depend on them for primary travel or farm work. Most people I know who have horses care for them as a large outdoor pet. Most people I know love their horses. Regardless of the actual statistics, I don’t think I’m alone in saying I love my horses and admitting the desire for my horses to be my friend. 

    With an animal so different from a human, is this possible to the extent I wish it? How would I measure this friendship? Is it a reasonable wish?

    I am also a dog person. Dogs already have the nickname of “man’s best friend” and there must be a reason we gave that title to the dog and not the horse. One thing we share with the canine is the predator nature. We both work for food, and have the instinct to survive by overcoming and climbing as close to the top of the food chain as possible. Horses are not like us, in fact they are naturally a direct opposite of us in how they perceive and process their environment and how they go about their day.

    My dog Samwise really is my little buddy. He regularly chooses to be close to me, he is always excited when I come home. When I sit in the mornings to read and write with my coffee, he always comes and sits as close as possible, if he isn’t touching me he isn’t close enough. If he engages in a behavior that disconnects our relationship he is quick to repent and is always seeking to reestablish connection. These are evidence for my case that Sam is a kind of animal friend to me.

    Samwise and Peggy Sue cuddled up by the warm fire… friends!

    When I look at horses, they don’t generally want to touch each other, at least not unless there is a reason- usually being the need to correct a horse for inappropriate behavior. Occasionally there are mutual grooming sessions, but this seems more like meeting a need than the dog attribute of laying close together in a puppy snuggle pile.

    I am certain horses are capable of thought and emotion. I don’t know how complex these systems get. I believe horses don’t lie, and they don’t plot and scheme together for future barn take overs. I don’t believe they think over how to complicate life for us on the next trail ride. They learn by experience what works out for them and what does not. They are fabulous at observing and learning patterns and can be incredibly smart when it comes to connecting and even chaining together patterns. I believe as prey animals, they are wired to flee problems, discomfort and imbalances in their environment in order to survive another day. I also think horses have preferences and distinct personalities.

    What would it look like for a horse to love a person? I remember Iva talking about her experiences at various local schooling barns as a young teen. She has a quiet spirit and has always been keenly observant. She told me that she would look around at the horses and the horse girls and see them cooing about how much their horse loves them and to her eye it seemed clear to her that the horse was rather uncomfortable or unhappy in their time together. Horses are subtle creatures. Would a twelve year old girl who wanted to believe her horse loved her and was her friend be able to tell if this were actually true? Do we still do this as horse girls grown up? Do we really want to know?

    This essay by Ross Jacobs grabbed my attention because I had been thinking about my own connection to Khaleesi and how it has developed over time. I started her from an unhandled four year old without much human baggage, but she has still had about four different owners in her fifteen years, all of them being me. She was my first horse to start as a filly and the process of growing up with her certainly impacted me, and I’ve experimented with a few different horsemanship avenues along the years that have impacted how she felt about spending time with me. 

    In my earliest years with owning horses as an adult, I remember considering my first horse (Faygo) my friend, therapist, confident, and adventure buddy. Today I see that was an immature starting point of understanding these majestic creatures and how we might relate in a way that is good for both them as us. 

    Now I cringe at the memes that claim horses are therapists. In fairness I know it is therapeutic to be in nature and it has helped me grow as a human being to understand my horse and how we relate on a more simplified relational level and truth about myself has been revealed in the process. So if you would champion those truths as a reason to call horses “therapy” then I stand with you. However I can’t get behind the practice of subjecting my horse to carrying my emotional baggage for the long term, and fix heart issues I don’t want to put the work in to resolve. I attempt to bring my honest, best self to work with my horse as I want to see her honest best as well. In nature, horses do not want other horses in their herds who have emotional instability, and I think it’s quite rare in nature. Emotional instability is inherently dangerous to survival. I think most emotional instability in horses we see comes from experiences with humans.

    As I ponder the behavior of my main working horse, Khaleesi, I have been on a journey to increasing her freedom and choice within the confines of the fact that we always have limitations within our freedom, and every choice comes with consequences. Still, I have been letting go of trained pattern auto-pilot behaviors (push-buttons) in favor of as conversational real-time communication as I can get between two such different creatures and she and me. What is the impact of this between us? I will admit I do not think that horses (or dogs for that matter) have the kind of love that humans are able to engage in, however I want my animals to want to spend time with me. I am not sure if I would call this friendship today with my horse, but I certainly want a solid positive connection. 

    What does this look like? Maybe take a moment and ponder this yourself and consider your own answer? 

    Would it look like her coming right over to me in the pasture when I arrive? Seeking to be close to me when I’m in her space? Putting her head in the halter ready to go do something together? As I look at my short list, I see they are all physical signs. 

    What is the reality of our experience? It varies. If I don’t have a halter she is often curious because usually I have some form of food. She comes right to me when I’m carrying hay or a warm meal. Is this friendship and connection? Possibly! But it’s not about me, it’s friendship and connection with hay and feed!

    When I do have a halter, sometimes she stands in place while I approach her and when she is ready she always dips her head at least slightly into the noseband. But some days she runs around like a maniac and kicks out her hind legs with clear messages of: NO! I’m not going with you right now. If I am not clearly carrying food, she almost never approaches me looking to go into the halter and see what I had in mind. I think there are times in years gone by this horse was more reliable and easier to catch in the field. That was when I had more training and conditioned responses built in. Is this good or bad? What is behind these behaviors?

    I do know horses like patterns. When I had the approach of more natural horsemanship, direct pressure driving, and there’s right answer- let me increase the pressure until you give it to me, I think she was slightly more likely to be caught sooner. Maybe horses appreciate the confidence of a right answer and a conditioned response they don’t have to engage in thinking. Humans are not much different in that respect. Apparently most of us spend a vastly higher percentage of formulative conversations than generative ones. We prefer the how are you? I’m fine thanks for asking… exchanges. We get uncomfortable if someone takes what is supposed to be a formulative and quick exchange and turn it into a generative conversation that is less predictable. And yet there is almost no true connection in a formulative conversation. Connection is more time consuming and risky. I find myself drawn to generative conversations and a generative life. Maybe some horses find the formula, rules and auto-pilot way of life a bit simpler. Maybe my horse, on some days, would rather stand at peace in the sun than have to work out together how to get something done. Is that so wrong? 

    Maybe even that assessment is too complex. When we set up patterned behavior and horses learn that compliance is the best path, they seem to be agreeable. They don’t have much freedom of thought or choice when we enter the picture. If we have a halter, they answer is go with the person and do the things. Conditioned response learned from patterns in experience. I do think horses some horses who are trained to respond in a way an owner prefers is seen as the horse being willing or being a buddy/friend. It may or may not be true if the horse has learned this is the response that means less trauma. They can respond with the “right” answer and still not feel very good about it and still have their mind over with their buddies in the sunshine. I’ve found the horses are actually pretty good at pretending to be present where the body is, going on autopilot, but actually having their mind somewhere else. This works out ok, until it doesn’t! Easy, simple, and routine doesn’t mean bad or good. In any relationship, lack of conflict does not equal strong connection. Of course regular conflict does not equate a good or strong connection either.

    On the other hand, the horse who does always approach me in the field regardless if I have food, a halter, or a rake to clean the run in, is Wyoming. For many years I could assure you this horse was NOT my friend and we did not have a good connection. I would guess she approached me because I was an invader of their space and their current life situation and she had the curiosity to find out why and possibly intervene if she could. This horse taught me that the act of approaching in the field was not an indicator that the horse wanted to be my friend. We have come a long way, she and me, toward a more positive relationship, but it’s in her nature to come greet me whenever I enter the field, where its’s still Khaleesi’s quieter nature to watch me from a distance and conserve her energy as she stands in the sun or munches on hay. 

    Some horses simply seem to have different personalities and different ways of reacting. I’ve known some people who are constantly looking for a different horse, sometimes they finally seem to find one that suits them. I think they have in mind what a “good horse” is like, and the horse that fits that mold in how they approach the world is the type of horse that will work for them. 

    What about the days when Khaleesi stands quietly as I come in with a halter and then when I approach her, hold out my hand and she touches with her nose briefly, and then waits while I step over to her neck and offers the halter- she lowers her nose and then walks with me when I lead her out? She doesn’t approach me, but is the fact that she is calm and relaxed enough to wait for me to come to her a sign that we are, if not actually friends, at least on good terms? My presence did not disturb her relaxation in peace. So far in her life I have observed she is a naturally aloof mare, maybe this response aligns with her honest nature.  Maybe it’s similar to the truth that there are people who naturally greet and hug everyone and people who tend to stay in place until the new arrival makes their way over to them and then has a pleasant conversation without feeling the need to physically touch with a hug? Is one bad and one good? Or is one simply preferable to certain people and less inviting to others?

    What about the days when K is downright difficult to catch and tries to evade me at least for a time? Do we have a bad connection? Or do we have a strong one? Does she know she has the freedom to express her thought about leaving the pasture? As a lead mare, she usually has reasons on these days that might have nothing to do with me. She may sense a dangerous presence nearby and doesn’t want to leave Wyoming alone. She may sense something in the environment and would prefer the safety of her yard to going for an adventure where the danger lurks. The fact that she is communicating clearly she does not want to be caught and haltered may not mean she doesn’t like me today. However I think if she ran every time I came to find her, that would seem an indication of how she feels about me, or the work she is going to be asked to do.

    I don’t have confident answers to these questions. I am also not sure if they have any relevance. Is it ok that the twelve year old girl thinks her horse loves her when someone with a little more experience can see the signs that the horse is incredibly uncomfortable? I’ve known people who always carry some kind of treat for their horse when they go out in the pasture, and they will tell you their horse loves them. I’m both a little jealous because who doesn’t love their horses always coming to greet them, but I know too much to allow myself to think the horse loves me in that case, so it wouldn’t work for me anyway. From an outside perspective however, when the horse comes running to them it sure looks more convincing than my horse jogging away with two hind feet kicked up in my direction.

    It might be fun and make us feel good to convince ourselves that horses feel the warm and fuzzies about us, but then what? What happens when something tests the connection? Will it survive? Does that matter?

    Yes. This I do know. Our connection to the horse will be tested someday when their brain or instinct wants to do something very different from what we need them to do where our safety could be on the line. If we don’t have a strong, healthy, real, connection we can lean into, it’s likely the horse will not be able to stay engaged when things go sideways, we can end up on the ground, in the hospital or if we’re lucky just a good scare. I think a fair amount of equestrian injuries come from deep misunderstanding of what is going on between the person and the horse. In fairness, even with a good connection things can go wrong quickly leaving us injured, but there are times that connection can save our lives because we need the horse to set aside it’s instinct to stay with us and think through what we are asking. If the connection is true, it makes a big difference when the turkeys (or grouse) leave the road. If we aren’t honest about what’s really going on between us we may not know the kind of thin ice we’re actually walking- especially if we are lucky enough to not fall through the cracks very often.

    Just like between people, this kind of connection and relationship has to be built through experience over time.

    Ross asserts that one challenge we face in really becoming a friend to our horses, is that they do not see their days as meant for flying lead changes, trail riding for hours, having their hooves trimmed, or whatever else we want to do with them… He observes being a horse is about grazing, drinking, snoozing in the sun, chasing away a pesky new herd mate, and etc. One problem is we are generally an interruption in their day, not a true part of their lives. They might be willing to engage in our desired activity, but take care not to automatically equate obedience with willingness. 

    Ross asserts that it is not bad to want to be your horse’s friend, or hope your horse wants to spend time with you. I agree for sure. I suppose I wonder how much a predatory human on two legs can provide in terms of what we look at as a true companion to a horse. He found the times he went long-trekking for hundreds of miles were the closest he came to possibly becoming enough a part of his horse’s life experience that they had a bond that became almost a friendship. He was not an interruption anymore, they were doing life together 24/7 as they moved across the landscape each day. I suppose folks who actively work their horses in real life jobs have a tighter bond than I am likely to even have with my horses, even as an endurance rider who occasionally spends entire weekends together.

    Yet this is also ok. Is it possible I might go too far in what my expectations are for a willing partner to be also a best friend (when I have time for that friendship)? Does a horse have to love me in order to be a great partner? 

    Maybe these answers are as unique as there are people with horses. For me, I am beginning to question if we have to be friends the way humans think of friendship. Some people might feel the need for their horse to come running every time they enter the scene or their feelings are hurt. For me, right now, I think it’s more honest that my horse doesn’t have the same response every day, and I do want her to be have integrity of thought and feeling more than a compliance mindset. There are probably people not ready to have generative conversations with their horses, and compliance and obedience is going to be the best they have in this season. When you begin to allow your horse a real voice in the conversation, like with any relationship that enters a deeper level, we may hear things we don’t really want to hear. Ignorance can be bless! Sometimes when my friend Tom Moates helps a horse come out of a shut down and compliant place the people don’t really like what had been safely buried down in there. They’d prefer the shut down, dulled out, compliant horse, in many ways that’s easier than having real conversations and figuring out that the horse needs more than we have the tools to provide yet.

    One thing I am sure of, I want my horse, even if she sees me as an interruption in her day, to not find our time together painful, confusing, or anxiety creating. I do want to know what my horse thinks and feels, and I want to be able to have influence over those thoughts and feelings. I want the work I do with my horse to leave her in a better place physically, mentally and emotionally better than she was before. I fail at this from time to time, but I believe it is possible. I want our connection to be based as much as possible in truth and reality. May I honor my horse for the wonderful creature she is and not who I want to think she is, as I know I have done in years past. My understanding of this over time may shift with new experiences, but may I always be curious and open minded to see what is actually in front of me and not a projection of what I wish were so.

  • Adverse Conditions

    Adverse Conditions

    If you don’t have something working really well in ideal conditions, you don’t have much hope of them working out in adverse conditions…

    I’ve heard Harry Whitney remind people of this as a fundamental answer to various questions they ask about trouble spots with their horses. It pairs well with another quote, which was my own take home from two days in June watching him at Mendin Fences (TN):

    In my experience, most people don’t know what it looks and feels like to have a horse truly mentally centered and present with you, and so most people don’t really get there, and this is a reason many people can’t seem to get a real change come through. The horse was never really centered up and present.

    It’s been a priority to address Wyoming’s mental centeredness since I’d met Tom Moates early last year.  Tom has been learning from Harry for years, and attention to the horse’s mind is a central focus for him as well. This doesn’t mean I’ve been successful it. We’ve made some significant strides in helping her become more relaxed, less angry, and significantly more cooperative than the other approaches I’ve tried over years. Yet I sensed a trouble in her that I had not gotten to the other side of, even as of this summer and the clinic we hosted in July.

    Harry Whitney, Wyoming & Jaime in Floyd VA, August 2024

    In mid-August, during Harry’s five-day clinic in Floyd (hosted by Tom),  the question came to each participant: what is it you most hope to address this week with your horse?

    I had one request: show me what it looks like to get Wyoming mentally centered and present.

    Harry was willing to guide us through this, and on day one, our lesson hour was spent, from the field to the work space, on learning what she looks like when she is fully present and how to require that she make that a way of life for now. 

    Additionally, my job was to make the times she was present and relaxed as sweet as possible. This is the place that feels good. At first, any time I asked for her attention, she would start throwing out options I might ask her for, like walking a circle. It was as if she had a hard time believing I could ask for her to be relaxed, ready, and present and then just breathe a moment and find peace in that space. Probably I don’t find as much peace with these creatures as I could, and a change here will serve us both. This was all we did.

    Harry & Wyoming finding a sweet spot with her mind present.

    At the end of our session that day, Harry suggested I take her all the way back to her paddock walking backward and not taking a step she wasn’t “with me.” It took a lot for me to stay that present and focused. 

    It took a lot of focus on day one to walk backward to the gate connected at every step to release Wyoming from class. But I was committed to the process. Harry helped me to be able to see when she was present, and bring her back when she wasn’t. The entire week I did not take a step without expecting she would come back to being mentally centered. This is not to be confused with being “hyper focused” on the human at every second for fear of punishment. There are training methods where a horse is ambushed or punished for looking around. Though I use a flag for some of this work, it is built around creating an indirect distraction or sound or movement that draws the attention back to me. The key difference is intention: the actions is not at her – not a threat toward her. I need to become more important or interesting than the other distractions. Working with Harry, we don’t use fear or force as a motivating factor. Doing this takes a shift in thinking.

    Once this becomes a way of life, the horse can look around and notice the environment because they have learned to quickly make note, let it go, and return to the place of peace which is back mentally centered with the human in the work. It is part of learning to let go of a thought that doesn’t serve the horse.

    Wyoming is a highly sensitive horse that has her attention split, keeping everything around her in check in order to survive each day. When she is distracted keeping tabs on everything within five miles, she can throw out autopilot training moves, but she cannot stay present in the active conversation I want to have with her. I don’t want push button autopilot. This has not served us at all. I want actual communication, in real time, addressing the present moment we are in. In order to do this she has to let go of the other things and stay with me. As Harry helped us make this a reality, secondary issues began to dissolve on their own. 

    During the week we addressed some different challenges I had been working on. We loaded her onto a trailer that was darker and had a step up entrance (instead of a ramp).

    Borrowing a strange trailer

    I worked on “knot work”- addressing the claustrophobia from early halter trauma that’s been present in some form the entire time I’ve had her. The day we explored knot work, I expected to see at least some extreme reaction to the halter, but it simply never came.

    Knot work

    I rode her in the round pen; I’d had trouble in the past getting a forward thought to walk on without driving her. We came up against a little drama here, but worked through it in short order, and had a nice shift in riding as well.

    Finally I felt a shift that seemed a significant change and I’ve continued this work at home. If this mare is not mentally present or centered up things do not go well. She gets annoyed at having her thoughts interrupted when she’s concerned about other things. Sometimes she still gets dramatic when she shares her feelings about her own ideas being interrupted or blocked. When she is mentally centered she is like the wonder horse I’ve always wanted. She is soft, adjustable, responsive, and willing. 

    I’ve been riding her at home in my round pen, enjoying great sessions where we are building like one would a green colt, forward, steering, stopping and backing. 

    I am trying to start this journey in as ideal conditions as possible. I continued to prioritize mental connection. I can put on the halter without fuss, load her on the trailer, and ride her in the pen. Each day more positive experiences and progress. Last week, Matt and I took her on a solo adventure, loading her on the trailer for a short drive to our local recreation area. We unloaded her, took a walk, then loaded her and returned home. It was a great success.

    Matt, Wyoming & Jaime have a successful adventure

    My next plan was to bring her to visit my farrier for Khaleesi’s shoe visit on Friday. I want to keep building on experience a real horse can have and farrier visit seemed a great next step to me. I trim Wyoming’s feet myself, and if we were able to get some trim work done or not was not important. Simply the experience of going on the trip successfully was the goal. Keep it simple.

    What I did not account for was hurricane Helene.

    Adverse conditions.

    First, Hurricane Helene turned tropical storm was making her way through the South and though we never had the destructive storms, we had almost 2” of rain and gusty winds. All this boils down to prey animals on high alert. The mares were spring loaded by the time to get going came.

    Second, the weather was crummy enough that though I was minimally willing to do what seemed necessary to have this adventure, I was less willing to go out early enough to assess her mental state, and intervene to find a working mindset before even considering loading. I gravely underestimated the effect of these adverse conditions. I might normally have planned a few minutes to shape this up… What I really needed in these conditions (in hindsight) was an hour of focus… and still, it might not have brought success.

    Third, we had a soft deadline. I highly value my farrier and drive an hour over the mountain to haul to him. He was at home, and happened to be flexible. Still, night would fall at some point, and though I had a time window, it wasn’t endless. Time restrictions always feel like pressure. Pressure brings fear of failure which often makes for poor decisions.

    To make a painfully long story shorter, Matt and I did the things that were successful in the past for about an hour. Over that time I watched the stubborn mare I used to know show up stronger to the forefront and dig in her heels. The more we insisted she join us with the trailer plan the more she resisted.

    I made a pretty good mess of it as I became desperate to get it done. Matt was a phenomenal help, and he never got frustrated though things were not going well. When our best efforts and closest moments dissolved into escapes off the ramp in panic, I saw I was doing more harm than good and creating problems I was going to have to fix. I knew the frustration I kept at bay was getting closer to the surface, and I knew that would only make things even worse. 

    I made one good decision to set aside my own stubbornness. I made the call to abort the mission, put her back in the lot, and take the horse who needed shoes before we had to abandon altogether. Wyoming did not have to make this trip. 

    It was hard not to consider this admitting defeat and total failure. Because that’s exactly what it felt like, and I am not one to admit defeat easily. I told myself years ago I would NOT allow work with my horses to become a win-lose scenario. I am not in this to make my horses into losers. How I want to function is a growth model, and it’s a long journey. I was recently reminded by Adam Grant in his book Hidden Potential:

    though straight line growth feels faster in the short term, it’s been proven many times that growth curves and loops are the only way to get farther over the long term.

    For a straight line thinker I have to remind myself of this intentionally, often.

    The mare was not with me, and we were way too deep in adverse conditions to swim out- especially considering it wasn’t necessary. Hopefully this was a loop in the long term trajectory that would carry us farther than my preferred straight lines of success ever would.

    My biggest miscalculation was to think I could get her out of the field after a half day of being jacked up by her environment, and then load her as if we had already mastered this because we had a few successful trips in ideal conditions. If I would have stopped to ask myself if she was mentally centered up sooner it would have been obvious that she was not. For some reason I thought I could overcome this deficiency by sheer willpower. Strangely enough eight years of trying to overcome her inattentive mind to get her to do anything never worked. Why I thought I could revert to my old ways and get a different outcome is… mostly embarrassing.

    After over thirty minutes of this idiocy, I saw it clearly. I realized she was minimally mentally present and that was my biggest problem. She wasn’t running me over or creating a danger and so I accepted it as good enough- but she was still highly distracted. After starting the process and getting very poor results I took her away from the rig to address her mental connection. 

    This was the most challenge I’ve ever had getting big enough for her to let go of every outside distraction a stormy day could bring. She would look at me and immediately avert her eyes, head, neck or even her body, to a sound or rustle or leaf in the air. To her this was survival and self-preservation. I couldn’t keep her mind for more than two seconds at a time. I worked very hard to get very big and very loud and very active and I could get maybe five seconds. If so I would take a few steps do it again and get a few seconds and take a few steps. In this mode I got her all the way onto the trailer, but as soon as matt touched the butt bar she would explode off because even though I could get her body on, her mind had not settled there. 

    It was a lost cause. I might have stopped after I realized she was not capable of staying present, and I should have realized that within five-ten minutes. I could have asked that question sooner and I might have realized that I was into depths we could not swim successfully. Possibly if I’d have addressed the mental state better in the first few minutes I might have had a chance. I don’t know.

    As always there are the growth opportunities. I get to experience once again as a reminder what many people I care about are also experiencing when they get some momentum with their horses and then skip over – sometimes purposely and sometimes without realizing it- to the deep end and get into a bad situation. Not only is it humbling for me to hit a place I cannot overcome in one fell swoop, it’s good for me to have to experience what people around me are going through. I am willing to go through challenges in order to learn things that might be able to help others. And so as James tells us in his letter: Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds! For you know the testing produces steadfastness, and let this have its full effect that you may be complete, lacking in nothing! 

    Also, it reveals to me me the dark, stubborn, frustrated part of me I hope to identify and eradicate. If I could have done so, I would have picked up that horse, hog tied her into that stall, and forced her on the journey. At some point I lost most of my compassion for her and the real sense of threat and pressure she felt.

    Working in ideal conditions

    In ideal conditions I have grown so much! I have tons of patience and empathy for what the horse thinks and feels. I can say I am here to help you and mean it. When the conditions squeeze me, what comes out? Eventually frustration and the desire to beat her with my flag until she complied by force, broken mind and broken will. I did not go there, but it was because I know that doesn’t work- not because of my stunning maturity and grace. It’s good to be reminded of the garbage that remains in the darkest corners that still need cleaning out. Lord help me, and thank you for exposing it without me acting on it.

    Something encouraging I considered in my personal debrief: this mare has a history of going to fight mode unusually quickly. She has threatened violence when she feels treated unfairly, with punishment or force. Friday, her stubborn will engaged, refusing to be loaded on the trailer, however, she never threatened with dragon ears, rearing, or nipping. She refused, but she didn’t fight.

    In the end, the conditions didn’t seem adverse enough to me to create this trial. I was wrong. Also, I had thought that our ideal conditions work was going well and it was. But I’ve learned from Harry that me, and many of us who are pursuing excellence and a higher working connection, are not aware enough yet of the subtleties in the ideal conditions that his eye would be. I can hear him say: you’d better get that working better because it won’t hold when things get adverse. The same as he has observed: most people don’t know what it looks and feels like for a horse to be fully present and truly mentally centered.

    Practicing going forward and back through the gate keeping her present each step.

    It seems many of us have to feel in mortal danger before we dig into what seems good enough. Apparently, for each person, there is a different threshold for working good enough. All foundations have a certain amount of weakness. Will it result in a tragic wreck or only sub-standard performance? It probably will depend in part on what kind of conditions you face. For Khaleesi, these adverse conditions were not a huge deal, for Wyoming they were a deal breaker. I want to be someone who digs deeper even when things are not downright scary and grow even when things seem good enough.

    Harry… the ‘Coast Guard’ Whitney

    I still having a long way to go. This means more time in the ideal to expose foundational cracks and more gradual steps into incremental adversity so the cracks are patched up before being totally overwhelmed beyond hope without a rescue effort from the coast guard. Someday I hope to see morelike Harry. Because of his experience and attention to details, time for him is shorter in the shallow end, and he has more tools and experience in the deep end- I suppose in some ways Harry is the coast guard.

    Today I am grateful that horses have memories and experiences, yet they also shift quickly with their experiences. I am pretty sure I caused problems I’ll have to fix, but if I show up fresh the next day, I believe she will as well, and if I bring my A game she will respond. Nothing is beyond repair, even though repairing damage I’ve caused isn’t a good way to proceed. 

    Epilogue.

    The following day we had a break in the rain and I spent some time with Wyoming to assess the damage. She was more difficult to halter in the field, but once I had her on line she came with willing softness and keeping her attention centered was easier in the calm sunny afternoon. I struggled to load her as easily as previous, but Matt had been watching and asked if he could try. It took some communication and patience, but he was able to load her twice fully on where she felt relaxed and calm. We did not close the bar, but took the progress and moved on.

    Matt and Wyoming regroup after the storm

    Matt then kept her attention and held the rope while I attended to her feet which did need a trim. She did so well we also put on her saddle and did some work in the round pen. All of this went well and Matt took the lead (literally) on much of it. He has a grace and patience for that mare I sometimes struggle with, and she responds well to it. 

    Yes there are some setbacks, there was a price from the poor choices and miscalculations I made, but these things will pass, the growth will continue in loops and curves. As always… Hope continues.

  • The other side of trouble

    The other side of trouble

    July 15, 2024

    My eyes began to water in the heat of the afternoon as I stood in the large dirt arena watching the scene unravel. I was glad it wasn’t likely anyone would notice. My back was to the onlookers, and Mark was working with the wild mare, too involved in what he was doing to notice. I’m not so concerned about tears in public anymore, though it’s not my favorite, but I was pretty sure anyone who did notice would misunderstand the reason for the emotions gripping me in the scene. 

    They didn’t come from watching my mare rear violently in reaction to even feather light pressure on the halter. Particularly when she became so reactive she fell on her side in the dirt which was quite dramatic. (She wasn’t hurt).

    The emotion didn’t come from worry that Mark was being unreasonable in his approach, creating unnecesary fear and stress, and watching him work with her might upset me. I knew he did not create any of what I was observing, it had been inside her as long as I’ve known her.

    What grieved me as I watched Wyoming flailing on that lead rope like a fish on a line was a snapshot I had somewhere in my heart of how many of us go through life or seasons of life like this. We are fighting and we can’t seem to stop fighting. We end up getting hurt, and hurting those around us while we flail and fight against what we perceive as life threatening pressure but what is intended to be a comfort. I saw myself at times. I saw people I love at times. I saw humanity. I saw my beautiful mare react in dramatic fashion as if her life was in danger, unable to let go of her past experience, trauma, and fear to trust the guidance. It touched me in an unexpected way in that moment.

    Mark Langley working with Wyoming

    Mark Langley, who was instructing the four-day clinic on the last stop of his USA tour, cares deeply for the horses and this thing in her that overreacts to any pressure is a torment she does not need to carry. He was hoping he could help her get through it to the other side of this trouble. There is a physical or mental memory (maybe a combination) in her that was seared into her on day one of her mustang make over competition training. 

    I was told the history when I picked up the wild mare in Tennessee: the trainer put the halter on Wyoming, the mare reacted in fear and came aggressively toward the trainer, the trainer (in her own words) overreacted, putting excess pressure on the halter, and sent the mare up in the air. Her first experience of education with a human ended in a rear up, back flip, and injury to her neck that took her out of the contest and put her on a trailer to Tennessee to have a slower longer training process through the Bureau of Land Management’s (BLM) Trainer Incentive Program (TIP).

    It’s likely with the trainer’s natural horsemanship approach: round pen, energy work and driving to create draw, the mare could be successful and avoid having the feel of restriction of the halter on her head. She became an amazing energy and body language reader. She became a punishment avoiding release hunter. When we picked her up as total strangers, just walking into the small arena, she would hook on to us or whomever it was, and follow closely. It didn’t occur to me that so much draw had been created in this mare that she felt the only good place to be was next to a human in order to avoid being sent out and driven.

    Since I’ve had the mare, asking her to back up and out of your space brings pinned ears and stress. It’s a huge feat years later to ask her to comfortably stay just out of your bubble. If I do get her to step back three feet and stand she gets anxious and begins to try to offer a circle or creep back in. She has the expectation that the human is going to ask something of her and she throws out possible options anticipating what might come next. She has learned if she doesn’t comply quickly enough with a request, the enforcing punishment will come via escalating pressure: a lead rope to her hind end, a flag will touch her, the bump on the halter. She lives in the future of what might be coming, and how to avoid it. If she can’t avoid it she feels trapped, gets angry and fights back. 

    the potential for pull back is serious in a trailer

    I stopped natural horsemanship style driving about 18 months ago when I watched Harry Whitney work horses in February of 2023. I think it’s begun to help change some of Wyoming’s experience and reactions, but the deep early formative work with her is still churning away at her core, and when it gets poked it comes out in big reactive displays. 

    The physical feel is only one thread of the knot which is inside this horse. Many horses comply to driving pressure (I have one who did), but Wyoming was one of the horses for whom the combination created a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde monster. She is either snappy quick, spot on with her reaction to a request or super angry and violent. Additionally in layer of wound up layers, she is a mare who has a hard time letting go of anxious thoughts. 

    Jaime working with Wyoming during the clinic

    Not only is strong drive and draw set into her, but when she is very close to me she can keep track of me physically while keeping her mind out on the larger environment. Asking her to back off three feet also means the human become part of the larger environment and she has to give mental space to keeping track me as well as everything in the next three miles in every direction. She has yet to become truly mentally centered in the way she can let go of the “other things” she holds onto for her survival.

    It’s stunning how she can be in this mental, physical, emotional place and still function to the level she does. If we could ever get to the other side of trouble there’s a phenomenal mare in there.

    How do we get to the other side of trouble?

    If I could answer this definitively I could have helped a lot more people and horses than I have to date. Yet somehow I’m still at this mystery even when I get discouraged. I wonder if I’ll ever know something definitely enough to be of value to a horse- or maybe even some of my fellow humans who are willing to take the mysterious journey into this wilderness of trying to understand how to help a horse feel better and be a more powerful willing partner.

    I do believe it is possible and so I don’t give up even when there are setbacks and it gets hard.  I do believe with a horse like Wyoming it is a matter of going through to the other side of the trouble and not letting the trouble make her world smaller and smaller until she is afraid of any pressure at all.

    It’s likely that Wyoming’s early training taught her that pressure meant she needed to adjust in order to get the pressure to go away. Unfortunately, anytime someone takes a rein in hand it creates a pressure or imbalance that the horse has to respond to – if done well it should bring the horse comfort through guidance, but if they have been trained to avoid pressure and seek release we have lost the ability to guide them through the reins or the lead rope. Very few people work their horses in the real world without reins or a lead rope. Nor do I recommend it as the ideal. Yet this means anytime someone picks up a rein to communicate with their horse, instead of relaxing into a guiding hand, many horses respond with anxiety to seek immediate release of pressure/imbalance which creates brace and tension through the body which works against strength, balance and grace in forward movement. 

    Jaime & Mark with Wyoming & Khaleesi

    I have a hope that Wyoming can get through this extreme fear of pressure that was created early in her training (and solidified for a time by me) so she can trust me to guide her. I want her to feel the rein or lead rope guide her into where she will find peace and safety in my leadership. I want her to correct the imbalance she notices and in doing so find she has choices, and the freedom to choose a path of lease resistance that is fairly available to her because I am able to offer that. But I also want her to be able to stay connected at the end of the rope in appropriate balance of pressure like I would hold my dad’s hand to cross the street as a child.

    She has to stop fighting first. If she would stop fighting she could follow that feel and see it would not bring her danger or pain, but comfort and safety. I asked myself if this deep sadness that came over me momentarily was indicative that this scene was playing out in my own life, or was a memory now. I’d like to say I’ve learned not to fight against the hand that guides me with strength, kindness and love. I know that my own journey through the wilderness is far from over, and sometimes I don’t even realize that I’m fighting the guidance that feels like pressure and imbalance and sometimes downright life threatening to me. 

    I’m sure Wyoming doesn’t understand what I’m trying to do in the bigger picture just as I really don’t always understand the big picture of what is going on in my own life while I’m in the middle of it all. 

    We were not able to get Wyoming to the other side of trouble in the four days of the clinic, but I learned some things that I hope will help me continue to guide her through. As with most worthwhile journeys, I feel like we’re deep into the wilderness, but in recent years I’ve learned something about the wilderness. I’ve learned it’s the place we least want to go, yet it’s the place where the transformation takes place. If we are going to get to the other side of trouble, chances are we have to be willing to be led into the wilderness.

    And so I go.

  • Twisted.

    Twisted.

    There was a time when a beautiful day was not complete if I couldn’t ride my horse. If I had to work or was otherwise occupied it was hard to not imagine myself in the woods with my mare and be sad about whatever it was that kept me from that experience. My work is pretty great. I run a rural area music education program teaching K-12 age violin students. I am also on faculty at a local college teaching violin and chamber music. So it wasn’t about having a dead end job that was torture to log hours at. It was about where my mind was, how it became mysteriously separated from my body on particularly nice days, and about the tension of having a mind and body in two different places. I had quite lost my mind and was struggling to function without being present in the good work I had in front of me because of it.

    I currently have this island of misfit toys herd that I adore. I jokingly tell people I have a good horse, a bad horse, and a sick horse. It’s an oversimplification, and thus isn’t entirely true, but it makes for good conversation. 

    Anyone who follows my writing can connect the dots: my good horse is Ireland’s Khaleesi, the mare I took in as a feral four-year-old in 2014. I started her for better and worse, learned with her and grown alongside her. She is my endurance horse, and in June we finally conquered the single-day 100 mile race on one of the toughest courses the sport offers. I can get done just about anything I need to and she fills in for me a lot. She is a highly confident leader and makes me look pretty good much of the time. She is a beautiful gift to me and I enjoy her constantly. My challenge with magnificent K is I’m decent at getting things done with her in the natural horsemanship direct pressure style of working together that has left places our relationship can improve. The hard part that requires some vision is going back to learning new pathways together when things “work out pretty good” the old way. I know there’s more for us, but it’s going to take some time creating new experiences.

    The lovingly identified bad horse is Wyoming the wild (by the way I also have a bad dog I adore, so this seems to be a pattern for me!). She of course, is not at all a bad horse, she is my complicated challenging horse who does not fill in for me, who is not confident in herself or my leadership, and has required a lot of consideration, thought, growth, experimentation, and help in order not to give up on her and find some wilderness area to release her back into and wish her good luck. She’d probably survive; she has the skills. In fact, all she thinks about is her own self-protection and survival since she doesn’t trust it to me, yet. And why should she? Truthfully I haven’t proven adequate of that trust to her yet, and so I refuse to give up and am determined to keep growing into the kind of leader a horse like her requires. She is constantly demanding I get better. She has been a valuable gift to my development.

    The horse I hate to label but truthfully, in fact, IS the sick horse is darling Redemption’s Hope. She’s a discarded quarter horse that went through many hands before ending up in my barn. I took her knowing she was a shut down tangled mess, without realizing how big a mess was really in there. My plans for her were to help her feel better, learn the world of humans wasn’t such a terrible place, and voila, she would be a sweet natured horse kids or adults with less developed skills could get to know horses and learn to work with safely. She did that work about a year while her health devolved into such places where I have more than once been certain she would not survive. She has been the most expensive horse I’ve ever owned through vet bills and nutrition supplementation and support care in general. 

    I have come to see the gift she has brought me is an opportunity to love and support a creature who has zero ability to give back, and for an extended period of time. We are entering a third year of her very slowly coming into some kind of stable health, but due to the neurological signs from the EPM (I believe), she may well never be ridable, or even a horse who can physically respond to a request in a normal way again. I simply don’t know yet. Only time will reveal what little Hope’s redemption story will be.

    Loving Hope has cost me emotionally and financially. I am limited with my herd, at the moment I cannot expand to more than three horses and she is taking up valuable real estate. She has taught me the long process of showing up every day to what often feels like a hopeless situation and staying engaged. She has taught me what it is like to invest and care and love with no reliable expectation of gaining from that relationship. How often are we given such an opportunity to love in that way? I haven’t always seen it, but recently it shines of a glory I cannot fathom, how did I get so lucky to have this horse come to me and teach me this important lesson? The lesson of showing up even when there seems to be little hope, to love anyway. This does not come naturally to me. I needed some help, and she came.

    All of this came to mind recently as I rode my good horse around a local recreation area along the Jackson River. I am fortunate to live in a pristine and beautiful area that is still so rural and unpopulated we have not one traffic light in the entire county, the animals outnumber the people, and our pubic national forest land is somewhere like 75% over private property. I am insanely blessed, and also quite intentional about living here. I went out solo, rode about 7 miles around this beautiful park and in the couple of hours never saw another human. It was exquisitely perfect and I reveled in it not taking one moment for granted. It was perfection in the experience of riding a fabulous horse, on well kept trails, in a place of untouched beauty.

    As I pondered this, I realized something has happened to me over time. 

    I enjoyed this ride, however, today it occurred to me that I equally enjoy the time I spend working with Wyoming the Wild, even when a decent percentage of our time together she is threatening me because I’m pressing her comfort zone (necessary to give her the experience of seeing she can trust me and her life is not actually in danger). I am helping bring her lost mind back to the present reality in order to help her feel better about her life, and about our connection. At the moment in our re-started education program I have begun again at the point of not being able to put the halter on her without her feeling threatened. So I don’t. If one cannot halter a horse reliably I think that reveals just how far we are from being a riding partnership. 

    I don’t know what will become of Wyoming the Wild one in her education. I am stubborn and I generally refuse to accept that a horse cannot come to an understanding and work with a human- there are just ones where the bar is set too high for many (sane?) humans to consider reasonable… I am considering that she could be one of these special creatures. The alternative, which is also possible, is I’m just not skilled enough… but each year I’m finding that less and less likely the root problem. Let me assure you no pride in my skill level… She certainly has required I gain experience and understanding in order to succeed in helping her. I know how much I have to learn is deep and wide, but my hunger to grow covers a multitude of sins in the process. I don’t think it’s only my inexperience anymore. She’s a unique and complicated horse. How have I gotten so lucky to end up with her? I don’t believe in coincidences, I know she is just as much a gift as the good horse is.

    I have found that anymore I do not care nearly as much that I’m able to ride this horse as that we come together. I do want to be able to ride her, but I have found I love the time I spend with her, learning to show her she does not have to protect herself from me, that I am here to help her, and she is just perfect just the way she is, right now today. We will simply keep spending time together until things come right and then we will see what that looks like.

    I thought of the time I spend with Hope now, every day walking her slowly and intentionally, watching how she struggles to lift her front end and thus her front legs paddle around not to drag the ground. How can I help her to think about lifting first even her eyes off the ground and begin to think lighter in the the front? How can I help her start to rebuild her atrophied muscles that would support her body in better balance? We do tiny weight shifting requests just to begin the form of thinking the change that someday will mean she can walk normally again. How can I work with her so she isn’t stressed out which is when she begins to panic and her feet begin to cross over unnaturally like a horse who has neurological damage (she doesn’t do this if she is not in a panic).

    What creates this panic state for her? Her life has given her the experience that humans will demand things and then punish for non-compliance. Somewhere along the way I believe this horse wasn’t saying: No, I won’t… but she began to have physical limitations that meant No, I can’t. And when that happened her reaction leads me to guess she was punished. Now when I begin to ask things of her I can see the stress and worry set it. She either completely shuts down and is non responsive, or she begins to offer up anything she can muster getting her limbs all crossed and in a pretzel. The answer is not to quit asking anything of her (though I basically did this for almost a year thinking she needed the rest and recovery which may or may not be true), but instead to begin to ask her things she can do and to give her the time to think and do it, and not to punish her when she takes a long time to get there. She has been taught not to think but only to respond and quickly- my hope is that I can teach her she can think, she must think, and I will help her along the way.

    What I am realizing is I am finally beginning to find the real gift in being present in the reality of each horse, and asking how I can help them. My own mind is letting go of the idea that I have to have a riding (or teaching) goal for each horse and each day we do not get significantly closer to that goal brings frustration or irritation. As I let go of that way of thinking, I find not only peace in the process but a deeper joy in every moment we share. Even the struggles of which there are many right now. I am able to see opportunities where there were only roadblocks. I am curious about things instead of annoyed by them. 

    I recognize fairly quickly when I am getting all twisted up again.

    I have riding goals for Khaleesi. These are good. I believe the road I am on with Wyoming will include riding her again- and successfully – as well. I have a goal that Hope will someday have a body that works again in balance and be able to help humans to learn more about horses in some way.

    I think having goals is important. 

    Sometimes we have to adjust the goal.

    With Wyoming, I had the goal to be able to safely trail ride her including loading her on the trailer to transport. This year I’ve seen that she has way more deep anxiety that if I don’t address, none of that is going to function in strength. I’ve done the “grown up” thing and adjusted my goals to honor her needs… 

    This is where it gets so dicey and on a good day I can laugh about it…

    I adjust the goals to helping Wyoming get feeling better working with me and pat myself on the back for being such a highly developed horse person who truly puts the needs of my horse first and is willing to patiently work with them in the way they need.

    And then I find myself occasionally frustrated and annoyed when we have an “off” day and she comes at me with more violent snark than the previous day… or I had gotten to lay the rope over her back and she relaxed, whereas now if I stand in her zip code with the rope in hand and she pins her ears and threatens.

    Why? If my only intent was truly to help her, there would be no frustration. Frustration comes because I’m not getting my way and that reveals that I’ve made the new goal the central thing and I’ve once again gotten all twisted up around the good thing that isn’t supposed to be the ultimate thing and now I’m frustrated that she isn’t getting better!!! I am not making clear progress toward the goal of her getting better so help me mare you MUST GET FEELING BETTER WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?

    Lord. Help me. Every. Day.

    I still get twisted up.

    Do you ever get frustrated? I heard that a prey animal’s basic job is to frustrated a predator. Think about this… Predator wants a meal, so it chases the prey animal. Prey animal wants to live so it does all it can to evade and outrun the predator. The very definition of being frustrated.

    Frustrated: feeling or expressing distress and annoyance due to inability to change or achieve something.

    When we feel or express frustration we are acting like a predator. In the human world the definition of predator is: a person who ruthlessly exploits others.

    This is not the dynamic I want in my barn. This is not the dynamic I want in my life. Therefore I have sought to become more aware of when I feel that frustration rising in the dark space of my heart and it is now a warning signal: you have become twisted again. Stop. Regroup. Begin again and ask: how can I help?

    The good news is we are all given a certain amount of self-control and if we begin to use it, we can strengthen it! Each time that twist shows up in my relationships I can notice it and make a decision to change myself and my approach. I can decide not to be a frustrated predator.

    Not controlling another (horse or human) to manipulate or force into what goal I have that day is a much slower road to my goals, but it is the only way to my ultimate goal. I know there are many who won’t understand (why take the slow way of freedom and love? It’s incredibly ineffective), but when we get there it’s a million times sweeter, and the roads and detours are more peaceful and full of life.

    It always begins with me. Untwisted.

  • I don’t JUST…

    I don’t JUST…

    I have been re-inspired recently with the concept of brace in horses. I am seeing in a fresh way that if we are willing to look, the layers of brace in even the simple things we do with horses hold practically infinite opportunity. I am taken by the fractal nature of it… astounded how the better one gets at dissolving brace, the better one gets at recognizing it in deeper layers and smaller junctures, and then hunting it out and dissolving that, and it becomes a lifelong passion of seeking out the weak place that is rough in transition and then the love of finding ways to work it smooth.

    Like any work worth a life’s passion, it is endless.

    It brings a strange mixture of humility and celebration; a brace covers a weakness and the more of these you find, in essence you are hunting weak points. When you see in greater depth the amount of weak points you hadn’t recognized before it is a humbling experience. Yet for those with passion for excellence, once we begin to hunt for these weak places, the celebration comes! There is great reward in seeing that it’s possible to do this work and though often slow and diversive, it always results in more balance and finesse and overall strength. As Buck Brananman once said about similar work:

    If you got a taste of it, if you got a taste of what I’m talking about, you’d rather do that than eat. You couldn’t get enough of it. You’ll hunger for it the rest of your life..

    Buck Brannaman

    Brace in a horse is a term for any place the horse doesn’t move smoothly through. There are a million opportunities for all shapes and sizes of being stuck in transition, it can look like a horse not melting smoothly from forward to backward, it can be as obvious as a horse rearing up or bucking in protest of something it is afraid of to as subtle as a horse that doesn’t blink when it’s being haltered or doesn’t breathe when being saddled, not standing still to have a rider mount, or standing still when asked to walk. Head tossing, rushing into gaits, race brain, spooky, hard to load… these all include places of brace to smooth out and clean up. If there is fear or confusion or resistance, that means brace in the mind, and also in the body.

    Sunny worries about his education being ridden and he often throws up his head around the mounting block.

    Recognizing brace is a skill that can be developed over time and experience. If you think your horse doesn’t carry any brace then step one is to get better at recognizing it. Once the skill of identifying brace is developed the art of horsemanship comes in how to move through that brace in a way that dissolves it and creates softness instead.

    In fact I am beginning to consider the possibility that all of excellent horsemanship is an art of helping horses release the brace they carry (mentally/physically/emotionally) from the first encounter until they breathe their last breath with us. Is it possible that everything we could want to partner with the horse to do can be achieved by seeing through the eyes of sticky transitions from one thing to another?

    Sunny ‘stuck’ in a corner as I help him let go of the brace that will also be worked out in leading on the ground.

    Mark Langley says many common issues people have with horses stem from the foundational truth that the horse doesn’t understand leading. When I first heard this I didn’t completely recognize the depth. It intrigued me enough to seek out more.

    As I puzzled over the claim by Langley that most horses do not know how to lead, I saw what he meant. It became apparent that most people don’t recognize brace in the most elementary act of a horse understanding simple back and forward feel on a lead rope to a halter. As I watched him spend 45 minutes helping a horse get a sense of how to follow a feel, the layers of possibility peeled back in a new way for me.

    Indeed the style of horsemanship through the Ray Hunt/Tom Dorrance lineage call attention in depth to the concept of feel (often paired with timing) as if it were the magic answer to most of our shortcomings in every horse relationship. Thankfully between Emily Kemp and Joe Wolter last year I had a fair amount of hands on help to delve more seriously into the mystery of this idea I first heard in depth at a Buck Branaman clinic a handful of years back.

    Working on both following a feel (away from the human) and getting comfortable with changing eyes

    In my own herd it became more clear that Wyoming had significant brace about the halter itself. Working through her trust and comfort of accepting the halter from me is significant for her. If I ignore the brace she carries just having the halter on her head, how likely is it the next steps in educating her will work well? No wonder riding her always went sideways at some point, I had never addressed her concerns (to her satisfaction**) about the halter and our misconnection regarding the feel of such between us. I don’t know that it’ll solve everything but it’s a good weak place to begin at.

    ** side note… a major gap comes when we as the human decide when something has been addressed to the horse’s satisfaction because that’s enough for us. I have heard so many times: the horse knows better… the horse knows this… the horse has done this before… and clearly an outside observer can see the horse disagrees. This is a common place for brace to develop. The human presses through because the human has decided it’s time to do so.

    Khaleesi is highly opinionated but she generally trusts me- as I began to float her back and forth checking her ability to follow my lead, the brace I experienced wasn’t hard to dissolve and soon she was rolling with me in a dance and when I removed the halter she stayed with me deep in thought for a time. It was a new take on an old conversation I believe she appreciated.

    Hiking the mountain together

    Still as we leave on our mountain hikes her smooth as butter leading gets sticky as her mind toggles between these things: Wyoming calling from the pasture, the clover that grown in the yard grasses we walk along the river, the old herd we pass by heading out the the trails, and finally me and what I’m asking. That 1/4 mile takes the longest of the entire hike because of how stuck in other thoughts she gets and how much practice I get asking her with feel to come back to being present with me and our activity.

    Being present together is an often neglected key in successful partnership. If we are distracted how can we expect our horse to be focused and present? Then once we are observant and engaged we must develop the skills and nuance to invite the horse to be present with us. If a horse is barn sour, race brain or spooky that horse’s thoughts are not present in what we are trying to do together. It’s quite stunning what we can pull off disconnected from each other- it’s more stunning what happens when we do stay present and connected.

    The comment I heard in an interview of being “able to roll smoothly without brace forward and back like a ball is the start of riding in balance and leads to what people are looking for when they talk about collection” was like a light bulb in my mind.

    Many riders riding around in a frame of some sort of collection have a horse braced into the frame that looks basically like what they are trying to achieve- however the deeper I seek, I think most haven’t experienced the difference because the real thing. Lifted carriage of the horse in relaxation without brace is not actually hard, but it’s impossible without connecting first to their mind, and having them in a relaxed and willing state which is quite a rare thing. It takes patience and trust.

    For me many years of slow building and also trusting those who have helped me when I have a vision of this thing and I get sent walking in small circles feeling even footfalls and being asked if my horse’s ribcage is moving equally in each direction… of learning to ask for a slowing of the front end to match the drive of the hind in relaxation and feel I hadn’t exactly developed yet. Can we walk or trot, come to a soft halt and take steps backward without a sticky transition? Of the times spent asking my horse to go from standing to walking to see if she is able to move straight or if she fishtails off naturally to go forward… to learn to let go of rein control to find out what is really functioning there underneath…

    As I look back I trusted whomever I went to for guidance- that each of the simple things I was doing that didn’t seem to have anything to do exactly with a canter lead change was entirely what was needed to build a horse that could understand and in strength and balance carry out athletic maneuvers in grace. When the time comes the hard things are actually incredibly easy if the foundation is strong and not braced together.

    I have seen it from time to time, and there’s a quality to it like when you see the work of a true artist instead of a skilled painter. It is something you know without quite knowing how you know when you see it, but once I felt the difference in K it was quite obvious from the inside.

    Hope is trickier because she spends more time shut down trying to hide the fact that in fact she is not comfortable or quite sure of herself. She spent a life being trained that once the halter goes on you do what you’re asked and if not you’ll be punished so your training is complete. On a well trained horse you can push the “button” that was installed and you get a “response” that you can count on. If the button stops working then you make it clear that punishment or correction will come and the horse gets better at compliance (as along as they aren’t a fighter). Then the process of shutting down their own thinking system which is not required when you are looking for obedience to training, and the challenge I picked up with her is how can you get a horse to see that they are actually being asked to think again, and act on their own thoughts while working with you. Hope was finally discarded when she could not comply any more. Whoever had her in the line of short term owners before me made sure she was indeed… broke.

    Something I’ve noticed around me when I hear horse people chatting is the fairly common phrase I just want to…..

    I just want a horse I can trail ride…

    I just want a horse that does what I ask…

    I just want a horse that doesn’t buck me off…

    I just want a horse I can do basic dressage (or jumping classes, or…)

    I just want a horse that is safe for my children and whoever comes to ride…

    There are a plethora of fill in the blanks, but I began to notice this sense of both this should not be so hard to just have a horse that does this very simple thing I’m hoping for… But also a settling as if it’s a positive attribute to carry… I don’t want much, I only ask for this simple thing… a horse that can just do this one thing for me. And gradually in the background this thought rose up in me I never want to be someone who just wants anything with my horses…

    No matter what I’m doing from putting on the halter to riding an endurance race I want a horse who is intelligent, willing, not shut-down, knows her thoughts and feelings matter to me even if they are inconvenient. I want my horse to flow with grace and not be rushed into something she doesn’t understand or doesn’t have the balance to do in strength. I do not want to resort to a tool to cover over a brace so I can just do that thing now. I want a horse who will have everything she needs (mentally, physically and emotionally) to partner with me at the highest level even if what we are doing is as simple as walking around the field in balance or opening a gate with ease.

    I think many of the horse community doesn’t suffer from grandiose plans, but instead for accepting such low standards. Many of us have big goals and that can be a problem because we are confused about the difference between having high standards and big goals. So we can get busy rushing toward our big goals and end up accepting so little quality in the process that we just want a horse that will [fill in the blank here].

    There is something in the upside-down truth of going down deeper to reach, in the fullness of time, the heights we crave deep in our souls that is fascinating to me. The lower we are willing to go in service to others the better our relationships thrive. The deeper we seek to find brace and cracks in our foundation the higher the skyscraper can reach in strength.

    Thankfully horses are quite good at being led and understanding feel. As soon as we begin to lead well and learn quality feel they begin the process to follow that feel and though it can be slow and take patience, it is the most rewarding thing… a taste of it can sustain you for quite a lifetime.