Once in a while I get an odd song stuck in my mind. It comes without a reminder (as in, I haven’t heard it in a very long time). Lately I’ve found that the more annoying the song is, and the more inclined it is not to leave, I should pause, and ask… why?
A recent example of this was before the Old Dominion 100 I kept hearing over and over on my walks with the dogs (which I use for deep contemplation and so was frustrated to be constantly interrupted by this tune) “She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes…” Finally I paused to ask… why?
As I entered in instead of trying to push it away the song quit being so annoying and seemed to bring me encouragement about coming around that big mountain loop: the OD 100. The song began to give me hope of success of finishing the ride and also that, I’d come when I came, which would be a foreshadowing that we were not going to be coming around on any fast timeline, we’d come when we’d come. I wasn’t riding six white horses, but the imagery of being successful was built into it for me. Once I smiled and said thank you, I appreciate the encouragement to have confidence in this big mountain I was about to circle ‘round, the song wasn’t quite so plaguing.
Last week a new song, on my same walks entered the scene. As always I began with an eye roll and asked it to please go away, I have important things to process and contemplate. The lyrics refused to bend “We’re off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz…” (I’m sure you can continue the tune, sorry about that). Once I realized it was happening again, I gave up and entered in… why?
The answer I drew from the question as I walked was to contemplate what Dorothy was doing. What’s the general plot, the “moral” of the story so to speak, and more importantly the point seemed nag at me: consider her companions on the journey.
So I did. I even spent a few minutes researching because I only vaguely remembered. Except for the Cowardly Lion (who could forget him?) I had to do a search to find who else joined her and what they were seeking from the wonderful wizard of Oz, who as I remember was not so wonderful at all.
In a quick google dig and the memories from childhood, I recalled that this little troupe was seeking someone to solve their problems, but it was actually in the journey, in the process, that the pieces they needed came to them. It was a story about love and kindness and helping others along the way, and about good triumphing over evil I think (the wicked witch of the west and all…). I need to watch the movie or read the book if I’d like to get more serious, but for today that’s what I’ve got.
What did the companions need? When I pondered this at first, I couldn’t sort out why it mattered in my life right now, until the next time I visited the barn and it hit me like a house in a Kansas tornado.
They line up with my horses.
My classroom this summer is the barn. And my teachers all have different subjects. It was blaringly obvious to begin that Wyoming is my cowardly lion. She is afraid of just about everything on some level and she roars in threats of violence if she can’t for some reason run away, but I don’t think she wants to fight. Who were my other two then?
As I pondered it was plain. Hope is my scarecrow. The scarecrow wanted a brain.
This is not to say Hope is a dummy in any sense, but I have held a hypothesis for a while now, that part of the deep damage in her, and part of the hang up in her healing, is her almost complete shut down to the world outside of herself. That’s in fact one reason I wanted to take her on, because I wanted to see what it might be like to help a horse that was so shut down. I think over her years previous, her thinking center had been shut down so severely that she was trained not to think or use her brain but only respond to cues. Thinking takes a little time and some training doesn’t allow for time so any delay is punished. This teaches a horse that thinking is going to get you into trouble, act, and act fast if you want to avoid the rope popper, whip, crop, or spurs. I have seen Hope in a desperate panic if she doesn’t know how to respond. She will try to just freeze and disappear internally then if you insist she stay present, she will throw out all kinds of varied things in order to just DO something. She has a brain, but she has been trained not to access it. She is deeply disconnected. Also one issue the True North folks helped her through is evidence of EPM (Equine Equine Protozoal Myeloencephalitis, if you’re interested you can click here for details on this: EPM in Horses) EPM attacks the horse’s neurological system crossing the blood brain barrier. She still shows lingering effects of loss of stability and balance from this that I hope in time will continue to diminish as she heals. I don’t know if her health issues will resolve (at all actually, I hope they do now that we’ve done about what we can for her acute issues), but I believe they won’t be resolved if I don’t help her dig down and begin to trust her brain and give her the time and patience to try.
That leaves Khaleesi who is, of course, the Tinman.
Years ago in looking at personality types I pegged her as a typical “metal” horse so this makes a lot of sense to me. A “metal” horse tends to take time to develop a skill, but once they get it, it’s solid as a rock and they tend to be very dependable creatures. They seem to take a pride in a job performed solidly if not with flair the way a “fire” type horse might. They tend not toward the fancy, not toward the fastest and most competitive like a “wood” horse. They are your solid good citizens though not as laid back as an “earth” type. They don’t carry a lot of fear like a “water” type horse, and they don’t need constant motion either. They tend to be thoughtful and dependable. This is my beloved K. The one I can always count on to be there for me and consistently carry out her task.
The Tinman wanted a heart. Of course Khaleesi has heart! She has a ton of heart in there, but the one thing I sense we don’t have is that deep trust connection. She seems to carry a lot of weight on her shoulders. She trusts the job, she certainly trusts me for everyday things, but I have felt there is something down there she keeps walled off as she dutifully does her work. This is not a problem I have to “fix” and it’s not exactly “wrong”. I don’t have to get every to part of her horse mind, body and spirit… however could I do better? Definitely.
The driving and direct pressure/punishment paradigm I trained her with my best intentions have created an environment where there is a limit, I think, to our connection. She is my super star right now in the barn, but she gives me an opportunity for grad school. There is more we can do and be together if I will grow into those places, maybe she will still have the dependability of a job well done, but also engage that great mare heart she has in our connection, and maybe I can be more worthy of that part showing up, maybe I can carry some of her concerns and free her up to shine.
Coming to the barn-school with this imagery has shifted my approach in a slight way that I think has been helpful. Certainly with Wyoming who is the class I spend the most time in lately. Certainly every horse has basic equine needs, being a good leader for the horse has some fundamental pieces that are necessary for all horses to thrive under. Yet horses like people have unique needs as well depending on their personality and their experiences. It would be much easier if there truly was a three-step program that always succeeded to have a happy thriving powerful horse, I have found even in my small herd it’s simply not realistic to think that way.
All horses need the space to access their mind in training, have emotional control and stability, and be supported physically toward good health. I suppose a good horsewoman or man is adept at seeing where the broken parts are, which system has the greatest weakness, and finds ways to bring strength there, walking the horse toward ever more complete wholeness. Maybe along the way we can also find our own way to being more whole. Maybe we can find our way back to Kansas…
Hope Horsemanship 