Hope Horsemanship

Tag: connection

  • Am I safe? (conclusion)

    Am I safe? (conclusion)

    In part 1 and part 2 of Am I Safe? I wrote about some observations and questions that connect to conversations I’ve been listening to around the neurological system and healing. Hopefully in the wrap up below (part 3) I can give some thoughts on what we can do with these questions.

    First the elephant… It is very hard to see borderline (or outright) abuse happening in situations where very clearly the people involved see it as normal. The more I learn the more clarity comes with my own herd- and the world around me. I am grateful for the horses in my own herd because they are constantly reminding me that humility is my superpower… this doesn’t mean I am amazing at humility, instead it means I can always choose humility and every time I do it empowers me and those around me where pride is ALWAYS ALWAYS destructive. I am convinced it is pride and ego that are the deepest roots of the pain we cause horses day to day.

    Early in my career riding endurance with Khaleesi I was certain she was not giving me her best  (she’s being lazy) and I was determined on this particular ride to insist she give me all she had to see what we were capable of. Around the last loop of the ride she really began to slow down. I INSISTED she get moving! We only had so many miles left: you can do this, come ON why are you slowing down you are not that tired! I know you! You have more to give!!

    The more I insisted the more she resisted. I can still feel the red-angry frustration that was welling up in me, I was not thoughtfully making a decision anymore I was infuriated that she was refusing to get this done. I grabbed a stick and whipped her butt- I MEAN IT!

    She began to comply and try (this story still breaks my heart to retell it) and I began to notice something…. When the ground got sandy and soft she ran and trotted her best, and she always slowed down when the ground got hard and rocky – still trying to show me she was going, but CLEARLY not as comfortably. She wasn’t softly giving me her everything, she was doing the whole thing with brace and not exactly an attitude (she never threatened to buck or fight me) but not a willing happy heart.

    It began to come together and I softened. No, I was right she wasn’t tired. Her feet hurt.

    She was in pain.

    We were now close to the finish and I let her walk every rocky surface and she would trot on sand- but the damage was done. Both physically and mentally. When we got to the finish, it was a hot day, but it took her 20 minutes to come down in heart rate. We used ice water and hand walked her. This horse generally pulses if she is fine in minutes after cantering into camp. The ONLY reason she does not pulse is physical pain. There have been three times in our career I’ve had pulse issues. We did get her down in enough time to final vet. She didn’t look great and got a “C” on gait but the vet noted it was not clearly a lameness- she was just looking all around exhausted so we got a completion. 

    Grace I did not deserve.

    We got back to the trailer and I was devastated. What had I done? Ego. Pride. Never again.

    I learned a lesson that day and in the years since I have NEVER repeated that by forcing Khaleesi to give me more than she was willing and able.

    The trailer loading debacle I wrote about in part 2 was that NEVER again moment between Wyoming and me. I tried to use force to move her forward in the process. That choice that jacked up my trailer, could have gotten her killed (as she broke off the chest bar leaving enough lead rope to hang herself over a hinge like a fish on a line) and left me some wicked rope burns to remember it by. Again I know I got off easier than I deserved.

    I took this picture that day when I “hung up her halter” for a time. I comitted to work within her threshold regardless of what it was and not to listen to the voices that say I should just “get it done” by force, whatever the thing is. I did not use a halter with her for months.

    Now that I write this… some of that deep trauma in her poll and neck that she was resisting could very well be residual from that wreck I caused.

    So there are two of my most dramatic, but not the only, moments of when my ego or pride and ignorance created trauma for a horse in my own herd. But for the grace of God go I again over those paths and every year I learn more I can look back more recent than I’d like and see ignorance or impatience creating problems I preach so hard against.

    Humility is my superpower.

    Yet humility does not mean never speaking about what I see, and what I’m learning because it might create discomfort. It means I don’t do it in a “me against you” conversation, but always a “I am with you” conversation. With compassion. And with the knowledge that we can only do the best we know at the time. And pride is so insidious- it attacks at a deep root level and is very hard for any of us to see in the mirror, and easy for others to spot looking in. My best advice if you care to grow, is to find a few people you trust and give them a hunting license to help you see what you cannot. 

    In all fairness, I still fail a lot. But I refuse to quit. 

    In the case of Hope and other horses I see in broken down states, I don’t think any one of the people in her line was an evil genius trying to wreck a beautiful creature physically, emotionally and mentally. I think every one of them wanted what most horse people want with a horse. They want good things right? And yet people created the deep rooted problems in this mare by ego and ignorance. It’s how most problems start. Not one person in her line of owners took the time to listen to her and then do what it took to help her. They saw her as obstinate and unwilling. I can say she is neither of those. She had finally been… broken.

    What then can we do?

    I asked the question in part 2: What can I do to make Wyoming feel safe enough to let go of her trauma? I will never had a successful relationship with her while her nervous system is on overdrive. She cannot communicate, connect or learn if she is only on survival/react mode. Wyoming wears her emotions on her outside. We always know how she’s feeling, and she doesn’t have emotional stability and well being. On the other side of the coin is Hope. She is equally traumatized but her reaction is to withdraw and shut down, comply as much as she is able. She hides deep inside herself. Horses willing to go this route are often considered respectful and obedient. Bombproof and ideal… until they simply cannot.

    I had hoped to find another expert conversation to tell me in a nutshell how to fix all this for my herd. No such luck. Instead I heard another quote ringing in my ears: 

    You cannot come to a horse intentionally thinking you want to fix something. If you come with the goal of fixing it your horse will internally brace against it and you won’t be able to fix it. Instead let go of the idea that you are fixing something and simply find a little place to release tension here or help them to relax there and before you know it thinks get better and you have fixed things. You have to let go of your agenda in order to help the horse. 

    Jim Masterson

    I have three personal takeaways from all of this. The order isn’t key as much as they are all interconnected so they work together in a synergistic way. I trust you can sort out what it all means for you and your horse journey.

    1. Get better than you currently are at understanding horse communication. And put it into practice by listening better. Everyone says that of course they listen to their horse. Just as no one was setting out to destroy Hope earlier in her life, my experience is those owners would say the same thing- of course they understand horses and of course they listen, many many people who have own horses and ride horses do not have accurate understanding of what is going on in their horse’s communication. I see most riders- especially ones who have “been around horses all their lives” making assumptions about what they think the horse is saying that is often pretty inaccurate. This brings up another quote:

    Horses survive by being incredibly adaptable. They adapt to the way we work with them. They are so adaptive we often miss what’s really there because they are so good at accommodating.

    Jim Masterson

    Keep in mind have a real disadvantage in this from the start because of how accommodating horses are by nature, but that is a survival skill not a healthy way of being.

    Horse people have taken pure communication from the horse like ear pinning, evasion (evasion can be trying to step away from mounting, bucking, rearing, spooking, running away etc), pawing, pushing, nipping and kicking and turned those into “unwanted behaviors” that we train out so they can be “good horses”. This begins early on and then is continued through their lives. We have taken away their negative communication channels. We as a culture training our horses not to share when they have a problem. No one wants a horse to bite them including me. If we were more adept at seeing early subtle signs they wouldn’t have to bite us in order for us to understand. 

    Part of helping a horse to understand it is safe is ensuring a horse feels seen and heard. Accurately. Acknowledge when your horse is trying to communicate she is not OK and see if you can find out why. Then commit to a change- do something about the problem.

    2. Accept that one cannot separate behavioral (mental and/or emotional) from physical issues.

    Of course there are issues that begin behavioral and there are issues that stem from physical problem but it is always more complicated and they will always connect. If you have a physical issue that isn’t addressed it will always show up as a behavioral issue. If your horse is experiencing physical discomfort they will do things like refuse to make that jump, not be as eager to do upward transitions, try to evade being caught, pin their ears or nip while being groomed or saddled, etc.

    On the other side, if your horse is having mental or emotional issues (isn’t confident to leave the herd, confusion over what is being asked, feels like it will never get released or there is never a right answer, is over stimulated) that will show up in time in the physical body as ulcers, joint or tendon injuries due to not moving in a relaxed and proper form for the work, or acute injuries from flight responses when they aren’t thinking but reacting and get themselves hung up, cut up, or in some other wreck.

    If you always assume there are connections between behavior and the body you will have more data to work with in assessing what is really going on and have a leg up on finding problem before they are a big financial and time investment to sort out. 

    3. Assume your ego and pride are your biggest enemy and that both are working against you and then seek out ways to fight against them. Humility is your superpower too.

    We all see our horses as friends (well anyone reading this blog for sure does), and we want to do what’s best for them. That is our high value (high values are how we talk, core values are what we walk). I hear most people say “I always put the horse first.” It’s in the core value where things get dicey. Are you willing to do what is best for your horse when it costs you the resource you have least of… for some that is money, for some it is time. 

    I was fascinated listening to Anja Beran who has been teaching classical dressage in Germany for over 25 years. She has been a voice against poor training in modern dressage (at very high levels) and is a great to seek out in the conversation of creating a powerful willing horse that can compete in any discipline much longer than the norms we see today. When the interviewer asked her how long it usually takes her to work with a client horse that comes in with some trouble (when you get good at successfully fixing problems, you see a fair amount of them) and even I was a bit surprised at her answer: Well, you see usually we find it is a minimum one year, and often we will keep them and work with them up to three years to help them come back into a healthy way of moving again.

    Here in America we expect results in a weekend to maybe 30 days on the outside. Unfortunately you can get a horse looking to an uneducated eye (that would be 80% of the horse-person population if you go with the rule of the Pareto principle) in 30 days training, but there are so many holes in these horses that someone is eventually going to crash through physically, mentally, emotionally or all of the above- it’s only a matter of time.

    Anja explained that a very high level circus in Germany uses her exclusively to train their Lippizaner team and she says they bring them to her for seven years. The reason they are willing to invest that kind of time she explains is because they perform well into their thirties when they are trained properly. A healthy balanced horse will also cost much less over time in vet bills and missed work.

    Money is a limited resource for most of us. It is true we have to make decisions thoughtfully when it comes to how much we can allocate to a horse, but I have seen people throw tons of cash around if they believe they will get a quick fix to a problem. Time is usually the more treasured resource and we appear as a culture not willing to give our beloved horses the time they desperately need to learn how to carry their bodies properly, to think and make choices instead of hurry up and react to my pressure (obey) so we can get on with what I want to do. We also need time – to get better in our own knowledge and skills so we can actually help the horses instead of always talking about how they are so good at taking care of us.

    And so I circle all the way back to that first question… why is that horses — when they are given more supportive care and a place that will hear them ask for help do they appear to get so much worse?

    From the neurological perspective I have been learning more from, I think when they begin to feel safe they will begin to heal. And no healing can take place without the revelation of brokenness. One must feel in order to heal. With any person or horse or any living creature- survival often means setting aside a wound in order to get through now. When we are given a safe place to peel off the survival mechanisms the only road to wholeness is by revealing the brokenness and then letting it go or getting the professional help required to walk through the healing.

    It makes more sense to me now that it would take Hope some time to believe she was in a safe enough place to fall apart. It also makes sense that Wyoming has deep layers she does not feel she is safe to release yet. Knowing that means I can be more attuned to making her feel heard and that her worries and concerns while I might think on human terms are overblown and inaccurate, to her they are enough to jack up her nervous system and that’s all that matters.

    In both cases I have come to see that I cannot approach this as a new (oh that ego is tricky!) goal for them. I am a driven person and I can take their healing and turn it into it’s own goal that then becomes a new source of stress and pressure.

    When Hope first came back from her stay with Dr. Hancock I was very excited to see her bloom into a healthy mare. I was great at doing all the things I was told would help her recover. But she seemed to be getting worse after a week or so. I was able to recognize that I had dumped my expectations of her coming into health on her and she was straining under the pressure. I tried to let her know that I believe I had done all I could for her professionally and now it was up to her to get better. I would help all I could but she would need to go at her own pace in her own way. I was committed to be with her and support her. 

    She has good days and bad days, and stress is more likely to create a bad day. I don’t always have control over stress in a horse herd. My healthier horses are less affected by it. Overall I see clear trends toward better. She more stable in her balance. She is moving better in her body. She has less mucous and infection recurrence. She is brighter in the eyes. She has more “personality” and preferences coming out. When we brought her home in December of 2020 I would never have guessed she could have so many deep layers of brokenness it came close to costing her life; she held it together pretty well for months. The very limited work she was for a few months in could not have caused the depth and seriousness of her condition. The downhill freefall actually came while she was in pasture rest with her herd through her second winter here. A place she probably felt the most safe in a long time.

    I look forward to what healthy Hope will be like. I look forward to her becoming more her own horse and getting to know her. And I will continue to find ways to help Wyoming believe she can let go of the trauma her past life and I have caused. I will get better at hearing their concerns and answering how I can. I will assume less and be curious more. I will honor them with the time they need and set aside my own goals and plans for them regardless of what people on the outside think. And hopefully I will look back at this series someday with a more complete picture and have some corrections to make- 

    For now, I think that is the best I can do.

    Hope before I brought her home December 2020
    A little morning trot in July 2022 after returning from functional vet care
    Hope now (October 2022)

    I would like to conclude by bringing up that one cannot give what one does not have. I also have seen in myself wounding and brokenness that made it hard for me to be the whole healthy balanced person who could set aside my ego and goals and the external pressures at work on me to have the grounding and confidence to allow these horses to fall apart. Because there was a time when them falling apart was too close to my own identity and I could not be the stabilizing factor and have the patience and grace to not need the horse to perform for me in order to make it’s life worthwhile. I also consider the complexity of a world of wounded people who are part of the cycle with traumatized horses. I hope someday HH will be able to help encourage increasingly more powerful horses AND powerful people in richness of mental, physical and emotional health.

    Thank you for reading this series and I hope it gives you some things to chew on and encouragement to find ways to improve your own herd toward increasing excellence, connection, and deeper relationship.

  • Am I safe? (part 1)

    Am I safe? (part 1)

    I have asked myself the question of why I have seen a horse on multiple occasions move into a home better suited to its needs and watched the horse go from not particularly thriving (meaning none of the horses were in peak physical condition at the transfer) to pretty seriously ill or lame… broken down in a much more serious way than would have been expected over a period from months to a year.

    Why (I kept thinking) am I seeing this pattern, and experiencing it myself (specifically with Hope, but in a more emotional less physical way with Wyoming as well)? I would think that the horse moving into an environment better suited to helping it thrive should mean the horse improves in condition, not worsens. I have asked myself if I am wrong about what makes for a better environment for the horse to thrive? Are these horses getting better or getting worse? What is the truth?

    Someone working with our functional equine health care told me they see this quite commonly and explained to me that it is an honor when a horse will choose you to fall apart. Ok I thought, I sense truth in that, but what is really happening?

    I had an early theory that these new owners took on the horses knowing they would find some issues under what I call the duct tape that had been holding them together previously. When you are willing to take on a horse that is not in peak physical condition, and you begin to take off the “duct tape”- you’d better be ready to find (like in a project house) things behind the layers behind the layers that always are more serious than you realized on the surface when you did a walk through. 

    Sweet Hope finally on the mend… I think.

    I had a sense there was something to this but not real clarity.

    Recently I stumbled across an interview with Jim Masterson who developed what is called The Masterson Method which is a body work that is simple to begin, anyone can start, and builds connection between you and your horse while also encouraging the horse release layers of tension and trauma that are held in the body. I liked his story and this method work was based on observation, listening to the horse as you went, and a light touch paired with patience to wait until something changes. It was a low risk – high reward experiment. So I did some investigating on his website, watched a couple demo videos and thought I would see what happened in my own herd.

    This is where things began to get interesting.

    One caveat from Jim Masterson was that as prey animals, some horses would resist releasing tension in the body because it is a vulnerable state and reveals even momentary weakness. If the tension spot seems clear by observation, and in waiting you sense they are resistant, one suggestion was to be sure you were not looking with too much intent at the horse (expecting release) or possibly try looking away entirely for a moment. Sometimes Jim noticed that after a small release, if he turned away for a moment or gave the horse a break, the horse would have bigger releases that continued on their own.

    This podcast binge where I stumbled on to Masterson also led me into some interviews that began with training concepts and wove into equine behavioral neuroscience and trauma and healing. One of the interviews with a neuroscientist included discussion of some studies that revealed: the nervous system must find rest in order for healing to occur, a being (horse or human etc) cannot heal especially in the deeper levels if they do not feel safe.

    A different interview along the same subject brought up this point: tolerance and willing acceptance are not the same. Many of our accepted even natural horsemanship training methods include a psychological double-blind where no good options exist.

    An example of this is when pressure is put on a horse intended to bring a response. If the response the human is seeking is outside the threshold of the horse they are now in a psychological double-blind. They can choose not to respond which will result in increasing pressure until the pressure is worse than the discomfort of the response they are being asked for. In this case the increased pressure is used to force horses into situations they are not ready or properly prepared for, put them in pain, or do not understand. Under this pressure they are not in a relaxed learning state, but in self-preservation.

    In self-preservation the most common reactions are flight, fight or freeze. We rarely allow flight from a training session, in fact most horses are hard wired to choose flight first. When we don’t give them an out we force them to fight with us or freeze. A horse who fights will generally run into a human with access to tools that can win the fight (though humans and horses are often hurt in the process) these horses are quickly labeled bad and disrespectful and problem horses. The freeze response is not only a stoic stillness, but can be when a horse shuts down or withdraws inside themselves to a certain tolerance level in order to survive and function. They are in a heightened nervous system response even though they look docile and calm. 

    Pressure and toleration are not inherently bad. Simply walking toward a horse is pressure. For a wild horse just an approach will send it into survival mode flight. For my herd they more often greet me with curiosity as they graze feeling generally unthreatened by my approach. I might ask my mare to tolerate the annoying flies for a period of time while we try to do some work under saddle, I’ve asked her to tolerate my lack of grace and occasional mistakes or imbalance in learning a new movement with the expectation I will improve. We work with green horses to learn to tolerate things like saddle bags, water bottles, raincoats being put on or taken off, or tolerate riding in front or back of a group when it isn’t their preference. Different horses tolerate different levels of discomfort depending on their personality. The problem comes when the human decides to (or is ignorant to) override the horse’s threshold and we don’t go at the pace where their comfort level is pushed on but not broken through. To work at this pace as with most things, takes time investment and patience and our fast paced world the value of the art of slow development has gotten lost in the rat race.

    One of my favorite moments with Wyoming

    I heard Karen Rohlf (Dressage Naturally) recently say that power (or strength) in a horse is energy plus relaxation. If you take a look at her horses, her courses, and her talk-walk integrity she is building powerful horses that have been trained to do high level complex physical movements and they have to push the comfort zones in the horse, but done in such a way that no shortcut tools or force are levered against the horse allowing the trainer to push past their ability to comply with willingness. Something I particularly like about her training is the emphasis that the horse feels good about what they are learning and how their body is moving so they seek the correct form naturally because it’s where things feel good to both the horse and rider. The attention to miniscule changes in the horse’s posture and how to feel this as a rider and then encourage the horse to seek that feel again seems overwhelming to most riders but if we were to embrace the process over progress we might even come to enjoy the art of horsemanship instead of getting to a finish line, a ribbon, or a new level of competition.

    In order to thrive and move in power and strength, the basic question a horse or human needs answered is:

    Am I safe?

    Unfortunately this question is better translated Do I FEEL safe? Because we have all been in a position where our thinking brain has sorted out the fact that it is irrational but yet we don’t FEEL safe and I have seen some instances where the person has FELT safe and it was pretty clear from the outside (or what came next) that they were not actually safe. We know that if we are in fear or pain and the person who can help us ignores our concerns, that rarely feels safe.

    I do not suffer from anxiety but I have met many women who do. I have a long time violin student who recently explained to me that she can go into a freeze state of high anxiety and appear like she is listening and even do what I’m asking of her. She shared with me that for years this has been happening to her in various intervals in different situations including her lessons from time to time, and what is going on inside of her (which I did not see from the outside she had gotten so good at being functional in this state) was panic and the inability to take in information. She might ask me to wait a moment while she got a drink, or went to the restroom just to get outside the situation and find a way to come back to calm. She did not dislike me or blame me, something had tripped her brain into overwhelm and internally she was having a panic attack. She fully realized this was irrational and knew that I was her friend and she wasn’t in danger, it didn’t come from me being particularly demanding either. In her case it was a mental disorder that would take over from time to time that she has learned to manage in recent years. 

    Human nervous systems and minds are more complex than the horse. I do not think horses have the same issues with anxiety disorder in the way humans do. My point in this example is that she felt unsafe even though she knew in her mind it wasn’t true. The fact that she FELT unsafe was what tripped her nervous system and she was unable to learn or take in information in that state. From the outside it would be easy for me to think she was being ridiculous and irrational; if I didn’t understand she had a legitimate struggle that I was not experiencing in the same way at the same moment I could try to force her to just get with the program and stop being so difficult.

    What I see with horses is many times the human doesn’t believe the horse has a legitimate concern instead I hear things like: you should be ok with this… or you have seen a tarp/cone/tractor/bike/mud puddle fill in the blank before and that is enough that you should not be afraid ever again… or we learned this yesterday you are just being difficult… don’t be stupid… or we see new behavioral shifts and assume the horse is being a jerk, taking advantage, or lazy instead of seeing the behavior as information and wondering why is this happening? is there pain somewhere? Does the horse possibly not connect the pieces as I assume he should? Could my horse be confused? is it possible he really is afraid of the cone because it is in a new place…

    Instead of curiosity, taking the information as real data, slowing down, listening to the horse’s concern and trying to address it from their perspective (ain’t nobody got time for that….) We push through with force or shortcut with a tool heading ever onward toward the goal we have for the day or week or year and when the horse complies or is forced into a physical frame without relaxation and understanding we assume they are ok with it.

    Moment of disconnect where the work I was trying to do was not working for K on any level. Many things were going wrong here but if this is what a canter depart looks like it will not be balanced and strong! From 2018.

    This potentially creates long term mental, emotional and physical wear. Eventually it will reveal damage that gets pressed under the surface until either the duct tape is pulled off or it just cannot hold together anymore and that “out of nowhere” blow up comes or the injury makes it way to the surface and is forced to be dealt with. I am increasingly astounded at the amount of things going on beneath the visible surface of the horse (in my own herd) both physically and emotionally that we will not see (if we don’t make the effort) often because they will hide it especially if they do not feel safe. When we do finally see it arrive at the surface is much more deeply rooted and harder to heal.

    What is also very clear in my observation is that everyone I know that has horses loves and cares for them very much. Not one of them is intentionally being abusive or making a decision to cause them deep rooted harm. Every one of them is doing their horse program the way they were taught by someone else who had been taught by someone else and so it goes.

    Ironically I have found the same people who tell me that horses are not intelligent enough to make good choices, partner with us on a willing level, saying they must be completely controlled at all times in order to be safe also will tell me the horse is taking advantage of them or premeditating bad behavior. This is an odd disconnect. You can’t have a dumb animal incapable of deep emotions or the ability to make good choices also be an intelligent creature who premeditates bad choices in order to get out of work, faking injury, or the complexity that comes along with taking advantage of us.

    So with this background that’s had me thinking. I will pause and post this precursor to the experiences I had digging deeper into my own herd, and some of the surprising revelations that make sense out of some lingering patterns I haven’t previously had answers for.

    In part 2 I will begin with what Wyoming had to say….

    Read part 2 here

  • Equine Love Languages

    Equine Love Languages

    Do you know your horse’s love languages?

    In relationship counseling, there is a concept about the five love languages (website inspired by the book by Gary Chapmans) where we see that if a couple has different love languages they can be telling each other just how much they love each other, and yet not receiving the love and going through life with an ever more depleted love tank. 

    In human terms the love languages Chapman delineates are:

    • Physical touch
    • Quality time
    • Gifts
    • Acts of service
    • Words of Affirmation

    And so if you’re a physical touch and quality time kind of guy married to an acts of service and words of affirmation woman you’re going to feel super uncared for when your wife is too busy trying to “do things” to help you and leaving you cute little notes to find in your car, lunch and briefcase and doesn’t stop to hug or touch you while she’s running out the door with the kids and doesn’t really have the time to sit down and hear all about your day while you do something fun together.

    The problem isn’t that they don’t LOVE each other. The problem is they don’t know how to see the world from the other perspective and the communicate in the language the other can hear.

    I’ve been thinking for a while about how this relates to my horse herd. 

    Do you know your horse’s love language?

    Sure- just about everyone can answer: Of course… grain, carrots maybe or apples… peppermints… But is that all you’ve got? Is there more? How would you know? Something I’ve noticed is the tendency to assume that if you’re an acts of service girl that everyone would appreciate getting helped out… right? And gifts, that’s so materialistic! Why would someone want to get stuff to be shown love… I don’t need THINGS I just need you to come to the barn and move the hay with me, that’s real love right there…

    However the gifts person is often trying to get the point across- it’s not the THING, it’s the fact that you thought of me, and you KNOW me and you choose that for me because it’s perfect for me. The gift person isn’t materialistic- they just want to feel known.

    In the end it’s about trying to see the world from a different viewpoint. It can be a challenge to see it from your friend or spouse or teenager, but I think it’s ever more challenging and takes more time to see it from your equine’s eyes.

    I have three horses in my current herd. Without question they have different love languages. I recently heard a challenge to see how many things you can list that your horse loves, and then I’d add- see if you can give them some kind of weight or rank.

    Wyoming loves to be surrounded by touch

    Wyoming is wild. She is so easy. She has never really been shut down by humans so her voice is always close to the surface. Some of Wyoming’s favorite things are:

    • Scratches….
    • Head scratches
    • Inside leg scratches
    • Outside leg scratches
    • Neck scratches
    • Side scratches
    • Back scratches
    • Chest scratches
    • Butt scratches (you get the idea)
    • Grooming (brushing specifically- this is kind of like being scratched)
    • Learning something new
    • Being very very close to you
    • Resting her head on your shoulder
    • Touching you
    • Killing flies for her she can’t reach
    • Underbelly Rubs (related to scratching)
    • A good roll
    • Being allowed to come on an adventure
    Khaleesi quietly greets a new friend

    Khaleesi was “feral” and she is pretty clear on her communication but she is domestic by breeding and she will tone it down a little more than Wyoming. She is also more “compliant” by nature so you have to listen more closely and be more observant to know her loves:

    • Hay pellets
    • Carrots
    • Apple juice (in a syringe… this is jackpot)
    • Killing flies for her
    • Wild blackberries on the mountain (in season)
    • Bonus if you pick the good wild blackberries so she doesn’t get thorns in her lips
    • Grazing time
    • Grazing time on the clover in the yard
    • Space (love me at a distance)
    • Reliable patterns
    • Clear communication
    • Underbelly scratches (not rub)
    • Butt Scratches
    • Being trusted with choices and responsibility
    • Being told she has done a good job
    • Being thanked
    Super gentle with Hope

    Hope is the most difficult for me. She spent many years in situations that appear to have been hard on her. Since she was returned to rescue twice and then failed out of being a lesson horse (also twice) she came pretty shut down and dull. It seems likely she was in situations where no one really cared what her thoughts and feelings were- they expected her to perform a job without much communication that would slow down the process. So it takes significantly more effort to coax her out of her shell to trust a human with any communication. Here are a few things I’ve figured out that Hope likes:

    • Hay Pellets
    • Apples
    • Carrots
    • Gentle rubs
    • Being told she’s a good girl (gentle soft tones, not high energy)
    • Grazing
    • Grazing on the clover in the yard
    • Being near the herd
    • Those cornflower blue weeds that come up in August

    You may notice I did not add grazing to Wyoming’s list. Wyoming does graze of course, but she will 80-90% choose human interaction over grazing. Khaleesi will only choose the human over grazing if they human is interesting her with something she likes better than grazing (a sweeter food or a fascinating activity where she is learning something new). Hope will almost never choose anything above grazing except if you offer her a food and then when she’s finished eating she will go back to grazing- the exception for her is the herd, she would stop grazing to follow the herd. She doesn’t yet believe that human interaction could be as good as eating grass. And in an opposite nature both Wyoming and Khaleesi are clearly appreciative of killing especially the biting flies. Hope is still on the side of dullness that she is basically tolerant of the flies and if you take care of one for you, she may be grateful but she does not show any evidence of even acknowledging (the other two clearly do).

    Additionally, Hope is the newest horse which means I’ve had the least amount of time to get to know her. She is also the most subtle about showing her likes. Here is what I look for- spend time with your horse in her environment without any halter or lead rope or tool for control, ask questions:

    • what do they do if I’m not controlling them?
    • what distance do they prefer me at?
    • do they have a side they prefer me on?
    • do they ask me to scratch or help with flies?
    • if I offer something (to brush, or scratch, or help with flies etc) how do they respond?

    If you aren’t sure what you’re looking for, here are some things to notice (when you try something different):

    • Does my horse move (even slightly, like a weight shift) away from me or more toward me?
    • Does my horse pin her ears?
    • Does my horse tense any part of her body?
    • How is my horse breathing (regular? Deep/shallow? Watch for holding breath!)
    • How are the lips? Tight? pinched? Relaxed?
    • How are the eyes? Soft? Worried? Wide? Alert?
    • Is the horse blinking normally (not breathing or blinking is a sign of being frozen!)
    • What about the tail? Swishing? Relaxed? Held to one side or other?

    How observant are you? What are their “favorite” things? Then check and make sure! Or you could end up being the guy who comes home to your “acts of service” wife with chocolates for valentines day and is confused in counseling the next month when she says: I don’t even like chocolates— but if you’d pick up your underwear I’d be over the moon!

    Knowing what your horse’s love languages are could be a great start in improving your relationship in small but foundational ways!

    I’d love to hear your comments on what you found or what you thought and found wasn’t really true!

  • The Return of Hope

    The Return of Hope

    If I would have known this would have happened, I probably would not have made the trip.

    I stopped for gas two hours in on a three hour trailer haul. It was June 1 and the morning was getting hot the farther I got from the mountains. I half didn’t want to know, but I also needed to know. I had to open the trailer door (front door) to get a look. What I saw didn’t exactly surprise me, but for the first time in my own horse owner journey I very seriously began asking what happens if she doesn’t make it. I mean it’s a very large creature to pull up to your destination and have the life gone and to figure out how to move her and more importantly… where?

    I was looking at a healthy Khaleesi maneuvering her head around to get a better view to determine if we were there yet but otherwise completely fine, and next to her was Hope. She was covered in sweat, standing at odd angles with her back legs apart and front feet together making a kind of awkward triangle. Her neck wasn’t exactly resting lifeless on the chest bar, but it hung pretty low.  Eyes so dull I could get no response from them. She was still breathing. But aside from that this was very, very concerning.

    This trip could be the end of her.

    I shouldn’t have brought her.

    No. If we didn’t come the next step probably was going to be dig a hole, it was only a matter of time. I had to get her to someone who could really help her. 

    At this point turning around was not an option, so when I got back in the truck I sent a message to my HH partner Brandea and Hope’s half owner Iva- both women of powerful prayer- and I let them know I’ve never been so concerned for the life of a horse and if they could pray for her now that would be great. 

    They did.

    The temperature continued to climb into the high 80s and I tried to think of about anything else as I kept going North on 81 to 66. The distance seemed to stretch on forever. Would we ever arrive? And when we did what would I find?

    I knew she was sick and I knew this ride would be hard on her, but it’s a good thing I didn’t know exactly how hard because any sane person might have made the call not to do it.

    Hope in the field in SC after a 4th rejection

    If I would have known this would have happened, I probably would not have made the trip.

    As I wrote that opening line I realized that though it was true for the trip to True North Veterinary Services in Northern Virginia, it was also true for the trip that brought the sweet little mare home to VA in the first place. 

    I was looking for a new addition to my herd two years back and Brandea told me about Hope (then named Sugar- she was in South Carolina… the land of sweet tea and lots and lots of sugar…) she seemed like a good fit. She had a kind face but one that carried a lot of trouble under her eyes. Her story was vague, somewhere after she was born and started and maybe loved she ended up at a rescue. The rescue adopted her out… twice… she was returned both times before she ended up a prospect for Western style kid lessons at a boarding facility. 

    They also saw a kind face and a nice quarter horse that seemed calm and willing. Apparently she had a marble streak in her that refused to do the work (I can tell you why she refused considering the kind of pain she was in though no one saw it) and she was kicked out of both the kids and the teen programs and then dumped for the time being in the pasture until they could figure out what to do with her next.

    That’s where Brandea saw her and had a sense there was something of value inside of Hope, she needed someone who could help to call it out. Brandea has a gift for hidden treasure in many forms.

    I realize that every one of my horses has been chosen for their value not so much of what they could “do” for me, but what they could teach me. Actually, I just realized that as I write this. 

    Khaleesi I chose as a feral 4-year old because I wanted to learn to start a horse from zero and it was a bonus that she was 4 and had almost never been touched. 

    Wyoming came a BLM wild mustang with minimal training (enough to gentle her and get her started) and I wanted to learn horse language from a native, that is exactly why I got her. To teach me “equine”. 

    Hope had been chosen because I have not worked with shut down horses. I wanted to learn what to do with a horse whose lived under humans who have created a situation where the horse withdraws and goes inside to escape which usually happens for survival. I wanted to see if once the damage had been done, is there hope for drawing them back out. Could there be redemption? I hoped so. And when I loaded her on the trailer in South Carolina to join Khaleesi on the ride to Virginia her new name was strikingly clear: Redemption’s Hope.

    If I knew just what was brewing in that sweet little horse it’s very likely, wisdom would have dictated I not make the trip.

    In both cases, I’m glad I had just enough ignorance and optimism to move forward. That is my gifting. Ignorance and optimism.

    God might have had a plan B for this sweet little mare, so I will not suggest that without me (and Brandea) she would not have lived or had a good life. Who knows, the plan B might have been even better than me!  Regardless, I’m honored now to be chosen for her story, as twisted as it’s become, I’m glad I didn’t know before I picked her up. In the end it will be me who is the lucky one.

    When I brought her home I noticed occasional mucous mostly if under stress, trailer ride across a few states or doing some trot work etc. But it wasn’t regularly enough to dig too deep, or that’s what my ignorance and optimism suggested. I thought maybe it was a new location allergen. She’d get over it.

    We began to do some work to earn her trust. We began to encourage her to explore, to be curious, to interact. We would do things she wouldn’t expect like ride her on the buckle, no steering, only forward and let her go anywhere in the arena she wanted. One day we even let her out of the arena and she went all over the area exploring. She had a herd, a home, and we cared about her above what she could perform for us.

    Gradually the mucous issue increased, and by summer there was also an occasional faint odor. When we had a vet come examine her there was no sign of the mucous or the odor the day she came. She did some chiropractic work (what we thought at the time was her biggest issue) and said otherwise she seemed healthy.

    By early fall the mucous was steady enough to get a sample (though of course it didn’t present when the vet came and I had to take the sample the next day) and the odor was more noticeable. A lab report told us what bacteria was present and what antibiotics would kill them. We went ahead with a double length course of Exceed and it seemed to clear the issues up. But a few weeks later it all began to return. This process repeated three times with new antibiotics shown to kill the bugs, into the end of the year ending with an attempt at homeopathic remedies which also worked beautifully… until the issue returned… every time.

    This was about it’s worst in December 2021

    I knew there was a deeper root cause we weren’t addressing by now and was at a loss where to go next. 

    I began with a more “hospital” approach that was recommended and talked to folks at both VA Tech and a (somewhat) local equine veterinary clinic that has equipment and facilities of a large animal vet set up for most anything they might need to do diagnostics to treatment to surgical. The next approach seemed to the professionals to be a scoping of her guttural pouches and a flushing of the system. The best guess was the infection wasn’t really clearing because it was likely too deep and needed to be flushed. No antibiotics are getting to the root of it. 

    That was going to be invasive and expensive but even more it was right around the holidays of Christmas and New Year, also our weather for travel gets really sketchy in January. Something did not feel right about setting that up and I sat on it.

    I thought it was worth talking to my neuromuscular equine dentist first, but that’s not simple either because she comes up from South Carolina. Actually for some regulatory reason it’s almost impossible for someone with her skills to have a home base in VA. Reminds me of when I had to get my diesel Jetta from Washington State when I lived in CA. I ended up using biodiesel and using zero oil and was polluting the environment less than the Prius owners who got incentives and HOV lane stickers. I was penalized. Government intrusion and regulation from lobby groups has never stopped me from doing what I think is right and that’s still true today… I digress. 

    If you’re interested in neuromuscular equine dentistry you can check it out here. http://www.neuromuscularhorsedentistry.com

    I would go without dental work before I would have a “normal float” done on any of my horses again. Especially now that we’ve worked for 4 years to get their mouths balanced, their TMJ functioning again, and their jaw working how it’s supposed to. That’s a whole other blog. Oh wait… I already wrote it.. Here’s a link! https://drawingboardlessons.wordpress.com/2019/01/13/whats-in-a-dentist/

    My dentist is also in equine osteopath school, she saw Hope just weeks after I brought her home and as usual with a horse of this age who had “normal” dentistry for years, there just isn’t much she can do to help her until she erupts enough new tooth. This rehab process of the jaw, TMJ, and skull that balance with the teeth can take years because it depends on having enough tooth to work with and most equine dentist take off a lot of tooth to address what they see as pathology (waves, hooks etc). She made lots of notes on Hope, but adjusted very little the first visit waiting for a year when she could help her more. When I asked for help said she would try to find a way to connect with me to look at Hope (I thought a root cause could be in her teeth, but she didn’t seem to have anything obvious like a broken tooth or acute pain), however she suggested I was within driving distance from the best equine osteopath she knows. I might consider going right to her, she understands the jaw and teeth and can do good work in the mouth, but also she’s going to have the skills to take care of many other problems as well.

    I took the information and continued to sit on it. I was working on if I could get my dentist to us or Hope to her somehow and that took weeks to hem and haw over. Today I wish I would have just called to schedule with Dr. Hancock sooner, but within driving distance is a three hour trailer ride, and the dollar signs and time commitment were both a factor. She didn’t seem to be getting any worse, or any better.

    Finally the day came in spring when I felt like worse was becoming a pattern and I sat in my car after feeding one morning and prayed: God, I know you want to heal this horse. You haven’t done it yet, so I’m sure I’m missing something. Can you tell me what you want me to do next?

    As if from heaven but only in my head it was about as booming as one could get:

    CALL THE NUMBER, I GOT IT TO YOU MONTHS AGO.

    I did just that, in that very minute actually, from my car, and that brought me to True North Equine Veterinary Services. From here I chatted with Stephanie Carter who has already been worth her weight in gold to me. She explained that they won’t schedule a visit with Dr. Hancock until they assess the diet for chronic cases. They want to be sure there isn’t an inflammatory diet issue that will mean the osteopath changes won’t be effective. 

    I already liked this approach, it was so different- it was exactly what I had been searching for and didn’t know how to find.

    Stephanie did a dive into my current feeding program and found it over all really solid. I am whole food based and stay away from commercial mixed feeds of any sort. For years my horses are on 24/7 forage and their supplements (mostly minerals) come through a small amount of Coolstance and timothy or orchard hay pellets. That’s it. My horses don’t need and don’t get any alfalfa, any beet pulp, or any feed mixes. I stay away from things that tend to be GMO (soy, corn, beet, alfalfa) It’s super simple. I have had their pasture and hay analyzed in years past and have found a basic foundation from CA Trace minerals and I add a few extras: chia seeds, extra magnesium, occasional spirulina, vitamin E, and plain salt. It isn’t perfect, but it was keeping my already healthy horses in pretty good shape. However for Hope though Stephanie didn’t find sources of inflammation in the diet, she found the amount I was supplementing though probably fine for a normal healthy horse was not enough for one who came to me likely immune compromised, with a lingering chronic infection (creating inflammation), probably carrying heavy metals, and then taken down even farther with three rounds of serious antibiotics killing off her gut biome.

    As I thought this all through, I realized I would have never deep dove into Khaleesi’s supplementation because as far as I can see she is healthy and thriving, but when we decided to send in a hair mineral test to get a better picture of what was actually getting through to Hope’s system, I added K too. Turns out Hope is carrying a high amount of aluminum which didn’t surprise either of us, and her nutrients indeed were not making it into the ideal range (we also found a high parasite load). 

    Khaleesi is overall doing well but her adrenal function was low which means she isn’t going to have a lot of quick energy. Now I can look into supporting this in a variety of ways before it shows up in ways I can see it on the outside. There were a few really minor things I can address to tweak her health into a more excellent place, especially supporting her more when she’s in harder work. 

    So we began with a few changes to Hope’s supplements to build up her system and a probiotic she’s had good luck with and then set the appointment for a few weeks out with Dr. Hancock.

    I decided it would be plain stupid for me to take a two horse trailer three hours each way to see what I was told is one of the best osteopath vets around and not take two horses. So I loaded up both K and Hope. And this is where we pick up the story. 

    Thankfully when I (finally!) pulled into the satellite barn facility (not the main office) and met Dr. Hancock, I opened the front door to see her awake, alert, and … not dead. I cannot discount the value of a few praying warriors here because she should not have gotten BETTER in that last hour as the temperature continued to rise and her fatigue increased from the drive. But she offloaded without drama and walked over to eat some grass.

    We began with Khaleesi who was in overall really good shape, but this is so cool to me: Dr. Hancock found a pattern that went from poll to hind by her sacrum that seemed like it had been in place a while that was off. She did light sedation, went into her rear end and adjusted a few things to put her into alignment. I believe the years back when I had a lot of trouble keeping her sound etc, that I also found was likely related to a saddle I was using, and also I have had years to learn about my own body and balance and how to improve, I think she was able to set right something that needed attention that hopefully I have in recent years made adjustments that will keep her in good balance going forward.

    Meanwhile Hope had laid down in her stall and was out cold. Not dead, but exhausted.

    We encouraged her to stand and Dr. Hancock did a very preliminary overview. Hope ate a little hay and we felt at least she wasn’t going to expire yet. So we talked over what to do and it was clear to both of us she was not getting back on the trailer. This was an unusual circumstance neither one of us had particularly planned for and we made the start of a plan. 

    Dr. Hancock would keep her and begin diagnostics to sort out the layers including X-rays and bloodwork, fecal testing, farrier visit and osteopath body work. Because Hope was so depleted, having her at her own barn would allow her to do it over time which would make it easier on Hope.

    We planned for a 9 day stay and I left her there feeling unusually confident (I don’t trust a lot of people to care for my horses). Turns out that in that 9 days, though much was uncovered, there was more to go and we continued to extend it. In the end she spent a month with the True North folks and the rest of the “duct tape” as I call it with a horse that needs deep healing came off layer after layer.

    This is interesting to me as I’ve observed it and talked to others who have been involved in deep rehab cases. The horse can put up a lot of inner protection to survive and people can add duct tape to keep them in work and things look not so bad. This horse has had very little work since coming to me. She’s had basically what would be necessary for rest and recovery, better nutrition than she likely has ever had in the past, turn out, a stable herd, shelter…

    It’s not likely anything that we have addressed was a result of her time in my care, and yet I look back a year plus ago and anyone would have thought she was basically a horse that could use a little TLC and would be great. I have pictures of Iva trail riding around the property, her working in a local clinic, and we even took her camping one weekend at an endurance event though she didn’t compete she got to ride around the trails and be in ride camp with Khaleesi.

    How did she go from not thriving to almost dead?

    Stephanie and Dr. Hancock have seen some rehab cases in their time and Stephanie said to me in one conversation:

    it means a lot when a horse trusts you enough to finally fall apart. 

    Writing that even now makes my eyes get all damp. 

    I saw this play out in recent years with Brandea and Molly. The Woman who sold Molly was certain she was ready to be competing in 25 mile distances and was expecting that was just what Brandea would do with her. Actually it’s exactly what Brandea had planned to do as well. It was only after we began to peel back a few obvious concerning layers that over time we learned that one reason she was “so fast” was because if she wasn’t rushing around she had so little balance she’d probably crash. What a ride. She went from a previous owner who was disappointed that this amazing horse wasn’t being competed within months to a vet visit where the small team who had assembled did some diagnostics and told Brandea the horse would barely be rideable in a pasture for a kid, she was finished. Neither story was true. That little Morgan mare has come through amazing transformation and Brandea has had to give up a lot to commit to what the horse needed and not what she wanted. But today she says it’s all worth it. She isn’t racing quite yet but she is in the physical shape where she could, and maybe soon her mental capacity will get there too!

    When we want the truth, not only what we hope for (I sure hoped that Hope would be up for teaching some kids this summer, and doing some trail riding) but we really want to know the deep truth, it will come out. I think this horse hasn’t had a safe place to let that truth come out for many years. A place where her value was greater than what she could perform. Both Iva and I did everything we could to ensure she somehow knew that we valued her because she was “ours” and she was safe, and no matter what we were there to give her what she needed, not to get what we needed. And I’m not sure, but I think she had to know somehow as well that we wouldn’t be “afraid” of what was in there either. We could handle it.

    I would like to add that Iva wanted in on this project without me ever inviting her. She asked if she could be a part owner of this little project horse. She wanted to try an endurance ride someday, even if it was only a limited distance ride. She would have loved to do some jumping (her own background) but in the least she would have been happy with some great trail riding. And yet this young woman of an unusual grace has been totally heart invested in Hope regardless of the fact that at the age she is now when she can still do some of this, she’s sacrificed her own “dreams” because this horse symbolizes to her a giving back to all the lesson horses that gave to her in her teenage years. It’s a maturity level I rarely see in any adult forget one just passed 20.

    And so, over time we began to peel back some of the duct tape and allow her to fall apart and she began, very slowly to trust us with that process too. And it has taken a professional experienced staff a month to find all the pieces and help sort them out. 

    I think the pieces are basically in place, but there is much to still do to have a strong thriving horse come out of this.

    I am grateful for the return of Hope.

    No. My summer at Hope Horsemanship does not look at all like I’d planned. And probably if I knew how much expense and time and effort would go into bringing this creature back to a fullness of life, I might have not made the trip. But as the staff told me in an update email a few weeks ago:

    Hope is why we do this, to see her slowly coming around and looking more alert and even younger by the day has been encouraging to watch. She is such a sweet mare, we all love her and are so glad she is getting another chance.

    She needs daily rehab, not intensive, but there are things that her body just doesn’t believe yet are possible, like she doesn’t have to hold her chest muscles like tight little balls to support her entire body and to avoid pain in her heels. We have a long term plan to help her with the last 10-20% of healing. Sometimes that final stretch takes the longest. But she will get there, and when she comes into strength, with no duct tape needed, her last years will be her best. And I and sure there is treasure in her. I cannot wait to see the beauty as it unfolds!

    Epilogue

    For those asking what was actually wrong with her, these are the details:

    An Xray of her skull showed a place where lower teeth were creating pressure into the upper teeth just enough to create a constant pressure abscess. This was where the inflammation and constant sinus infection was coming from and she relieved the pressure which began the healing of that.

    She had other issues as well relating to balance and being able to pick up her feet. The first year I had her we kept shoes on her, but in December I had them pulled and with her not in work I thought barefoot was fine.  Though radiographs of her feet show no serious changes it is likely she has some soft tissue damage in the heel causing pain which is what contributed to her chest being so tight from having to hold herself in a way to alleviate the pain in her feet. This had gotten so bad over time that it was difficult to get her feet picked up at all to even trim them and her heels were slightly long which made it all worse.

    Dr. Hancock had to do a nerve block on the feet just to get them trimmed, and then they had to wait a few weeks in the rehab process to try again at getting a heel relief shoe on her because she would not stand long enough with her foot picked up to get a shoe on- even by a top professional who is apparently “very fast”. 

    They ran tests for both Lymes and EPM. The lymes was negative but the EPM had low but present titers. She is on a treatment protocol that as far as I understand goes through the immune system to get rid of the protozoa that remains. It’s hard to know how long she’s carried the EPM, but we had always noticed she had a tendency to trip and not have a good feel for the ground under her feet.

    Since we brought her home in December 2020 we noticed her entire body was very hard. Her neck was like stones, her spine had a roach hump very noticeable and her hind end “didn’t exist” to her. Her chest has always been pretty tight and her TMJ is not properly functioning either. We had some chiropractic work and myofacial body work done last year hoping to help her come right through her body and I’m sure it was positive, but the month long gradual changes Dr. Hancock was able to do has completely changed her body. Her neck is not a solid chain of rocks anymore and she can bend it in both directions pretty freely (this is in itself a miracle to me!). Her roach spine began changing even last year to relax as she began to release the tight ball that was her body even in increments. 

    I cannot discount the part her mouth has played in all of this the more I learn. First my dentist noticed last year that her mouth was basically in the same shape as her spine. Yikes. She did what she could with the tooth matter she had to work with, and we watched the spine stretch and come down over months. However the teeth being able to meet in the jaw is key for the feet to be able to feel the ground properly. Apparently humans and horses cannot really walk a straight line if their teeth cannot meet in their jaw. Also there is a fascinating interview where Dr. Hancock talks to Wendy Murdock about how the jaw in a horse almost acts like a third pair of legs the horse balances on. If that system is out of whack lots of issues show up in the rest of the body. (Video Link Here: Webinars with Wendy)

    It is certain that Hope has had problems in her mouth— the biggest being the pressure in one place creating an abscess and inflammation. I wonder if some of the balance issues and tripping she’s had connect to her not being able to have a properly functioning jaw, TMJ, and in the end skull. It’s stunning to me what whole horse problems can have a root in a dysfunctional skull, jaw or TMJ. And yet we cannot see any of that from the outside, and most people don’t look at a horse with stifle issues or a small grade lameness and say: hm, it looks like the TMJ is stuck and thus the hind legs cannot function properly.

    No ones says that.

    More commonly they inject the joints, or give you a protocol for backing up hills, if they are really good they might look at the saddle to see if there’s atrophy or impinging that make the hind unable to function fully creating a movement that will over time create damage.

    This is why I’m so grateful to have found someone who is really looking at the whole horse from incisor angle to the tail placement. A team who started with the diet before trying to fix the acute issues that were visible on the outer layer. 

    I am not glad that Redemption’s Hope had to go through all this healing. It’s expensive and time consuming for me, and I’m sure even the healing process is somewhat painful as she gets better for her. However, I know that connecting with this team and learning what I did is a vital piece of Hope Horsemanship from now on out.

    And I thank them for all they did over and above what was professional, to invest in her wholeness.

  • I’m not asking.

    I’m not asking.

    In my last blog [Sacred Cow BBQ] I wrote about the decision to honor Khaleesi’s choice to say “No thank you” to my plans for the day. I think it was the first time ever I came with a plan then completely abandoned it and left when she walked away from me a few times. I have come to the field with no plans or expectations except to have some conversations. I have adjusted my plans depending on what a horse responds with, but I’ve never gotten a “no” three times and then simply walked away.

    This week I did just about the opposite approach. 

    It was the right day all around for a long ride. I had the time and decent weather (lots of thunderstorms here lately). I arrived with an entirely different thought…

    I’m not asking.

    I fed the mares and got some things loaded into the truck. Then I returned to the field with the halter and approached K. She stepped off and shifted her weight, not dramatic and continued to eat grass. I thought in my mind: today I’m not asking. And I simply put my arm over her neck to halter. She picked up her head and looked at me then offered her nose.

    Then I began to walk and she did not. I paused, turned back over my off shoulder and without hesitation I popped her firmly with the end of the lead rope.

    I’m not asking.

    And she popped in response right forward with me. She walked in by my side and we approached the trailer. She stood and looked around a moment, I gave her that short pause, and then I asked again and when she hesitated I (more gently this time) brought up the lead rope end to her body (Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed today… I’m not asking) and she looked at me and walked on the trailer.

    We ended up having a great 16 mile ride (actually it was without stirrups!! You can read about the ride itself on the greento100 side here: No Man’s Land). But as I drove (and drove a little extra) I pondered all of this.

    Which is right? I am seeking freedom and power in our relationships. So one week I give her total autonomy to say no (and the night before, in that same autonomy she said a very big yes as she came to me bridleless and invited me to get on her after our short work session). And then today she has really no choice in the matter, it’s a day to ride and it’s part of what we do. How do these seemingly extreme cases coexist in a horse program? Doesn’t the fact that many horse owners live in the “I’m not asking” paradigm bother me? 

    Yes it does. 

    So am I not doing the same thing today?

    It kind of seems so.

    I continued down this line of thought to realize a few key points.

    The simile between horses and humans is helpful but incomplete. I cannot treat the relationship with my horse exactly like a relationship with a human friend or family member. However there are important real parallels that can teach us about ourselves and about relationships. If I’m going to see parallels in horse-human and human-human relationships one consideration is the horse is also not a child, or a teenager and should not be treated like a child, but there are truths in those stages with them as well.

    If I imagined what the human relationship K is most like at the moment it might be closest to a teenager. I hope that I have put in a good foundation that my teenager is going to have increasing amounts of freedom and success should look like exactly that: increasing amounts of freedom. In this freedom it’s not preferable that my teenager should be just like me or think just like me, but we should have connection and the ability to communicate and work together even if we see things differently or disagree. Ideally there is even some appropriate give and take available.

    In this paradigm there will be days when the system gets an override. In my imagination, a scenario could come up where I have a guest coming who will need to stay overnight in my teenager’s room with them maybe on the basement couch (where the fun sleepovers happen anyway right?) and so that morning I notice the room is a mess and there is laundry everywhere. My normal paradigm might be working on freedom to make choices and walk out consequences with a developing teenager, but that day it would look more like:

    Today your room needs to be clean, sheets changed, and laundry done, folded and put away by 3pm… and… I’m not asking.

    This is not negotiable and it’s not contingent on how anyone feels. It just needs to get done.

    However that big picture looks different from the teenager who from childhood was never given much freedom or choice in their interactions with adults. The child has learned to do what they are told when they are told it and how they are told it … or else.

    The “or else” is not natural consequences, it’s punishment from the parent. Natural consequences when they can be employed are the best teachers. Similarly when a horse can be masterfully set up to think that they caused something to happen they learn quickly, when they see they did not comply and we punish them so they won’t do it again they learn quickly too… but they learn different things in consequences than in punishment.

    One system is going to develop a child into a teenager and an adult who can “self-carry” in life. One system is going to create a mind that isn’t trying to avoid punishment, but to learn about their environment and thrive within it. One system is creating a healthy (barring other issues!) mental and emotional system, then other is going to have fear, shut down and compliance over investment.

    One system brings internal change and growth, the other institutes external force.

    One system encourages connection, the other distance and space whenever possible.

    One system is going to take thought, time and will probably be kind of messy as it’s taking root. The other is a lot faster, cleaner and … controlled.

    That is the biggest difference. Do we cultivate a freedom environment as much as possible and mix in times of I’m not asking on the occasions where it’s really necessary?

    Or are we really never asking and looking for complete external compliance which usually looks pretty good if you don’t know the difference?

    True enough… they are horses not teenagers. I know many people would say this entire conversation is a waste of time. Some don’t acknowledge that more is possible than controlled compliance, some don’t see the point in it… horses exist to serve us right? A life of enslavement is a gift to them- they get fed. Then there are many in the gray middle ground zone who just haven’t really put much thought into it. There are just the way things everyone does it, right? And there are those out there with connections that look like magic to me, when the tools and the treats are gone the connection is deeper than compliance.

    I suppose in the end it depends on what your goal is.

    Do you know what your goal is?

  • Sacred Cow BBQ

    Sacred Cow BBQ

    Note Added July 2023: This post is an authentic part of my horsemanship journey, I was seeking a way of working with horses that honored them, that offered freedom, but also encouraged good connection. For now I’ve decided to leave this post in the record, but added a few updates that a year later I would look at differently.

    Danny Silk in his book Culture of Honor explains that coming to place of real transformation is hard for most people because one cannot do it without a sacred cow BBQ.

    Just last week I went to the barn early with a limited timeline and a plan to take a mountain walk for both the horses and the dogs to get some exercise before I had to take a couple days off from horse work. My horses need the exercise. And that day so did the dogs as I was dropping them off to a friend and I wanted to leave tired good citizen canines.

    I’ve seen some pretty amazing ground taken in my freedom work in the herd this year, and it’s not uncommon for me to take a saddle or bareback pad out to the field and tack up K with no halter in the field. To me this is a pretty big level of cooperation from her. It wasn’t a huge stretch for me to grab the bareback pad after feeding and walk over to her in front of the barn and toss it on. And so I went to do so.

    She walked off before I even had a chance.

    I pursued her asking again- hey will you work with me?

    This often is all it takes, ask again… ask a different way… insist, that yes, this matters to me and I’m going to give you the choice, but also I’m going to keep asking.

    That day she was adamant. 

    No. 

    She never went very far, but she clearly blocked the on-side to toss the pad, and if I tried to toss from the offside she trotted off.

    I said No!

    I spent about 10 minutes in this pursuit and could see I was only losing ground. Also not usual. I didn’t particularly have a lot of time that day, and I had to make a decision.

    1. I could walk back into the barn, get a halter, and take control of her.
    2. I could keep pursing this until she relented and decided it wasn’t worth the effort.
    3. I could acknowledge her “NO”, honor it, and leave.

    I didn’t like any of these options.

    The first one overrides her freedom completely which I will do but I am very choosy about what circumstances I will use force. The bar continues to go higher and higher for using force and a mountain walk is not important enough for me to use force for.

    The second choice to pursue her until she changes her mind also overrides her freedom in a way, but it still gives her a technical choice. I make her original plans to graze in peace with her friends less possible if she insists on choosing not to cooperate. I don’t cause her pain or fear, I just keep asking until she recognizes I’m not going away and I’m willing to outlast her and she’s not going to have much peace until she works with me. Instead of forcing, I consider it convincing. But this one was going to take time that day I could not spare. **Today I might consider a version of this where I don’t have to end up with my original plan to be successful, but take the horse I have and do something together, get creative. I might simply spend the time in the field creating enough indirect pressure to see if she will decide to choose me as an option, and then leave for the day. July 2023.**

    That leaves me with the third option, however this one had a sacred cow attached. 

    Haven’t we all been told whatever you do, don’t allow the horse to “get away” with something? As in: once I ask, I have to follow through until success (at least in some form) because if I don’t the horse has now learned to blow me off and will never work with me again.

    I have clearly asked her to accept the bareback pad to most likely take a ride on the property and she said NO and if I just walk away won’t she now realize that she has the power to say NO?

    And in the face of no good options before me, I took door number 3. 

    As I watched my horse walk across the field toward the shade and went to hang up the pad, I had the sinking feeling that I had just violated some basic foundational horsemanship rule that was vital for any success in any horse. 

    Had I just slaughtered a sacred cow?

    As I drove off with my dogs to walk a different trail I began to unpack this scenario…

    Oh no… I have just taught my horse she can ignore me and say no.

    I thought you were working on freedom? The honesty of real choice? If the horse can’t ever say “no” and you accept the answer then is it real choice?

    Well… yeah… but still this is scary. Its been ingrained in me that if I allow her to ignore me or say no that now she will think she can ignore me and say no and now she will probably never cooperate with me again!

    Why would you think that? Have you ever allowed her to truly say “no” to you in the past? Is this a pattern you’ve developed?

    No. I have adjusted the plans I made depending on her responses but I don’t think I’ve ever completely just walked away when she didn’t comply taking nothing… Not that I can remember.

    Ok, so you haven’t developed this pattern with her and in fact over the 8 years she’s been your horse you have clearly shown her that you are determined to following through what you start, right?

    Yes. I’d say that’s right.

    In that case, if that “sacred cow” of always following through on what you start was based on a foundational truth, then today K should not have even considered that saying “no” was a possibility because she has learned the pattern that you will pursue her and stick with it until she responds to you. So how did she ever think to try telling you “no” if have established that is not ever an option?

    Hm. That’s a good question. Maybe that sacred cow doesn’t actually work the way I thought it did.

    How can you be sure that trying something different, honoring her choice in this case, will result in her refusing to connect with you more often. Is it possible that you just took an opportunity to show her that she does have freedom, she is powerful, and you respect and honor that freedom- for real? Is it possible that she might be MORE inclined to partner with you if she is aware that she truly does have a choice?

    I would love to hope that could be true.

    How will you know if you don’t try?

    Maybe today I took an opportunity to walk out more closely what I hope is possible, and even if I’m wrong I can still adjust and try something differently going forward. 

    Right, and the fact that you even considered option 3, and then actually chose it is more importantly an indicator of who you are becoming and less about the horse at all in this moment.

    Wow. I had not considered it that way. I am coming to a new place of being able to release control over my horses and to find out what happens.

    Hopefully this will continue to reverberate through your human relationships too.

     In truth I didn’t BBQ the cow. I knocked it off it’s platform and gave it less authority; it’s turning more into a normal cow in the cow herd of horsemanship concepts. I’m not convinced that it’s any better to always take the “no thank you” my horse gives me any more than it’s a good idea to allow a teenager to always decide what she will do all day every day. And yet if you didn’t give your 14 year old any choices, or the power to make some real decisions that came with real consequences then you’d have a person stuck in that mental age forever never maturing. 

    The journey is in trying to sort out these questions with a real animal and find out what is possible… what brings more connection and what brings disconnection, and how to create connection. Unfortunately this is a process you have to learn and it is unique to each human-horse pair just like it’s unique to each human-human relationship. I can’t make-up a set of rules on how to connect with a horse the same as no one could make a rule that would work for every parent-teenager. If we want it, we have to be willing to try, fail, and grow.

    Maybe we have assumed horses aren’t capable of increasing freedom, or if they are capable we wouldn’t like what it looks like because they would increasingly avoid us and any of our plans.

    That is a real risk. 

    It’s the same risk with the teenager. I think we have some influence over the size of the risk, but it takes way more work than just forcing control.

    If we are someone who has shown we don’t care about that other person and their thoughts, emotions and needs and only what we can use them for, then it’s likely they will be less inclined to want to connect — forget volunteering to work together with us. If we have not built connection with them over time it’s going to be a hard sell that they should want to carry their part without being somehow forced to.

    I believe that if I put in the work and the time to figure out what someone important in my life needs, who they uniquely are, and make an effort to be the person who honors them by showing them in a way they can understand, that I value them, not just for what they can do for me (performance), but because I value a connection with them- and that I will not attempt to control them by force, then I empower my friends— offering them freedom to become more powerful, self controlled, willingly connected and invested. (I fail at this a lot, but I don’t quit trying again)

    The parallels between humans and horses is not complete, but it’s also not completely inaccurate. It’s limited but useful in both directions. I’ve been taught many lessons from my horses how to better honor the human relationships in my life, and I’ve learned something from interacting with a human that has made me re-think how I work with my horses for improvement of connection. 

    What I really want with all the relationships around me are for the other to walk powerfully in freedom knowing they have great value and great responsibility. And I think the life call to anyone who wants that bad enough, is it begins in laying down our own life to pursue it regardless the cost to us. And the only reason anyone would do that is for the faith that on the other side of that is where the magic happens.

    July 2023: I can see myself seeking something I had not found yet in this post, but I still believe that it can be one of the hardest things we do – to have a sacred cow BBQ and seek the truth of things over the accepted way that has made us comfortable. I do not think walking away from a resistant horse is the best option for most situations, but I also do not think it creates the ruinous situation many horse people believe it does. I am glad to say I began to find better ways as I continued searching! Ways of guiding and not driving horses, ways to consider what they think and how they feel and to engage with them to help. And now I continue on that journey to get better at that as I go!

  • Hopes & Dreams

    Hopes & Dreams

    May 1, 2022

    If I am being completely transparent, I do not have all the answers.

    In fact, as things tend to go, the longer I live the more I realize the less I know.

    In case I ever thought I had something going for me on my own, I was given a gift that would always serve as a reminder of the wonder and mystery of creation and our imagined control over it as humans.

    Her name is Wyoming.

    I wrote that description a little tongue in cheek but as I reflect on it, the weight of the truth of it sits too close to my heart to ignore. I have thought she is a gift to me many times, but I am coming to KNOW it. The kind of knowing that goes deeper than the mind and no matter the circumstances in the fullness of time, it can not be shaken.

    Wyoming is one of my greatest teachers. And today as I reflected on the outside help I have gotten, or hoped to get that would somehow be “the answer” I was looking for, the thing to make clear what has been unclear over time… the “shortcut” to the long term relationship… the thing that would flip the switch from sketchy to solid… the mindset, the technique, the piece I seem to be missing that would take this wild thing and allow her to be able to choose to trust me all the way. The detail I need to see that would allow her to put her life in my hands and work together without flee or fight constantly cycling through the process… come to work on the same page as mine.

    A year ago I came to accept that if she doesn’t make the decision herself, it will not come. She will not be forced like most horses eventually are. There is something deep in her spirit that will not let go of her perceived thread of freedom. She has a wildness in her heart that will not be tamed, but maybe someday will be rechanneled into something beautiful and not destructive.

    In fact. Maybe she’s a lot like me.

    From my journal, Sunday morning, May 1, 2022

    I lift up my eyes to the mountain- where does my help come from?My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

    Psalm 121:1-2

    I look to my surroundings and wonder… who will help me?

    I know that alone I am insufficient for the task at hand. I have a wild horse I cannot seem to get on the same page with. You see, everything has to be her own idea or she isn’t interested. It’s always about her own hopes and dreams. She refuses to accept that my plans truly are better.

    Take for instance yesterday when she had two ticks crawling around the tip of her nose. I asked her to hold still so I could remove them before they embedded somewhere, and everytime I got close to the tick, gently moving my hand with low energy and rubbing her head working down her nose so she would see I was trying to help her… at the last second she would jerk away and we would have to begin again. Eventually I gave up the losing endeavor but found an opportunity later where she was distracted enough that I was able to grab them without her being as aware. The back door approach since she is always suspicious of the front door.

    Grabbed the ticks while she was curious about what I was doing with Khaleesi in the barn.

    Also, her feet need more attention that I can do in the small amounts lately she has the patience for. She would be better off if she trusted me to do what I know to do to help her.

    She hates being left alone, and yet she refuses to carry a rider or ride on the trailer, and so she is always the one left behind.

    Her limited vision of what freedom looks like, the value of her independence, her own hopes and dreams, these are not only limiting but the have the potential to cause her physical and emotional pain. 

    We are currently guests on a beautiful farm, but someday we will have a home of our own, and if she still will not accept what looks like “death” (getting on the trailer… into the tomb) she won’t experience the real life of moving into her own home with her herd. She could potentially be left behind without her family. Yet her limited equine vision cannot imagine anything good coming out of giving up her freedom to go into the death box.

    Some suggest what would have been best would be left alone to a true wild horse life. If only she could be released back to the plains of Wyoming- or never removed. That would be ideal, so now she is stuck in this human realm of captivity. The romance of the wild horse running free. The pictures look amazing, and the video is stunning.

    In the “garden of Eden version” this would make sense. The perfect world that was intended in creation, but we don’t live in a perfect world, we live in a broken world where the harsh realities of nature are not the romance we want to see.

    The truth is these horses are fighting for resources, not only among the cattle ranches (and I’m sure no one who loves wild horses also likes to eat beef…) but even in ranges without fights for grazing rights, the resources of the west are at a premium. The people charged with monitoring and managing these resources see starvation in the harsh winters and dehydration in the dry summers. They see animals running other species off from treasured water sources, they see predators also trying to stay alive eating the weaker of family groups of all animals. There are man made highways at times with high speed trucks and traffic to contend with. And the deaths that come from eating inedible plants before starvation poisoning or painfully killing the horse with brambles and sharp dry plant matter in the intestines are deeply sad to imagine.

    My wild horse had a microscopic chance of living the romantic life of freedom running beautiful green plains of wild grasses in all seasons and plenty of water – especially since the wild horse numbers alone grow every year well past sustainability in every management area- forget about elk, eagles, rabbits, wolves, and cattle. 

    No. Her options are a shortened life in harsh conditions, living in heightened alert and fear and/or lack, but basically free OR a life in a containment facility, an orphan spirit in captivity with basic needs met as best they can with the problem they are facing to manage these herds. An impossible problem.

    She will never be in want for a herd, forage or fresh water with me.

    Yet, this wild mare was chosen. She is not an orphan anymore. She has been removed from the system where there were few good outcomes and put into my kingdom (I wrote about that Kindgom in March) where she is part of the royal herd of Khaleesi… She has been set apart from the thousands of others who will face a tough life. She is cared for, has a stable healthy herd, 100% pasture turn out on many acres, medical care when required, always adequate water and forage, and someone who sees her as immensely valued regardless of her performance.

    When will she stop fighting? When will she step more fully into her purpose and destiny? 

    The truth is- I’m not even certain yet what that looks like for her, but God knows. God created this mare for a purpose, and while today she is already walking in that purpose in part as my teacher, there is more. I am convinced of that. 

    I am also convinced that horses are special. Horses thrive when honored and given honest work. Work they are capable of and can excell at. Retirement comes at a point and can be good, but a horse who doesn’t and has never have some job and purpose does not thrive the same as one who is in appropriate work.

    One of my favorite moments together.

    I don’t yet know what her work will be as we learn together what her creator had in mind, but I do believe it will come. In the fullness of time, it will come.

    And as I reflected on this, I thought about how often we humans are set apart, and called into a purpose to work together on God’s hopes and dreams on planet earth. For some it may look like raising a family, for some providing medical care in Africa, for some writing books that entertain or help, for others it’s politics and bringing better policies to school boards and government bodies, maybe it’s playing music, or stewarding the wilderness, forests and waterways… but God does have hopes and dreams to bring redemption to this planet, the people and the systems he loves, and they are always bigger than our own.

    Have I stopped fighting or fleeing his ideas yet? Am I willing to step into the “death box” and see what kind of abundant life might be after the trailer ride? Do I trust him?

    In my journal I asked who will help me? And I have come to see that “alone” I don’t have what it takes, but the good news is I am not alone. I have partnered to share in God’s hopes and dreams, and I do trust him. So I can be assured that I have every resource I need exactly when I need it to accomplish exactly the purpose at hand. So I look around and ask “where does my help come from” well, it comes from the one who made me, and made these creatures, and has all the answers to every problem. So now I get to walk out the blueprint that was set in front of me at the foundations of time and enjoy the process and the relationships, with people, with the horses, and with the creator King as well.

    And as I finish this blog, I pause. I am again reminded of the grief of the wild horse impossible problem, I take a moment to ask: Is this one of God’s hopes? That his precious creatures the wild horses will someday not suffer this way? Who is willing to ask him for the impossible answers and walk out the path that might lead to abundant life for those thousands of horses suffering today?

  • The Illusion of Choice

    The Illusion of Choice

    I ran into a friend recently who asked: are you riding a lot lately? I had to answer honestly: no. Oddly I felt like I had to clarify the answer to explain, I’ve been spending a fair amount of time with the horses, but no… I’m not riding.

    I have pressed into a season where Khaleesi is getting some rest (MENTAL), Wyoming as I mentioned recently is in “restart” mode once again (EMOTIONAL), and Hope has had a bacterial infection that seems to be resurging leaving Iva and I sensing she needs to have some down time to heal (PHYSICAL).

    Wyoming in the pen
    Hope in the field

    Horses have three major systems and it seems like I have all of them operating slightly out of balance in some form in the HH herd. What a neat opportunity, and a perfect time (early winter) to step back and ask: what can I learn from all this?

    In years past I would have been bemoaning having 3 horses and none of them in a riding state at the moment, but today I see opportunity.

    In my last blog I recounted Wyoming’s highlight reel and I continue to press in creating relationship with her. I have always believed that the challenges I have with Wyoming would make me a better horsewoman, and what I learned with her would bring me improvement in my already solid relationship with K. Today I wonder if in fact, maybe I have that backward.

    Khaleesi is the favored one. The chosen. She is the mare I cut my teeth on what it’s like to start a horse from almost untouched. She and I have grown together from not being able to lay a hand on her to competing in 50 mile distances. On our best days I can think things and she does them while riding. She is a stunning creature of strength and balance with a good mind. I appreciate her input and try to at least take her suggestions as a factor as we work together- often she has very good ones. We’ve been in some pretty tight situations over our years together, and I trust her with my life. Yet the more I examine our connection- which is pretty solid- I realize it’s much more like a business partnership than that deep thing I long for.

    In this season of giving her some down time to (you can read about this in my last greento100 blog “Rest Reset”) I only bring her in for more necessary things- which occasionally includes going in a pen to graze and hang out while I work with Wyoming. I can always “catch” my horses at least right now, but Khaleesi knows the difference when I communicate we have business and I’m haltering you versus I have something I’d like to do and am willing to have a conversation about it. When I offer more conversation, she has let me know recently that if I’m asking, then no, I’d prefer not to do whatever it is on your mind today thank you very much.

    She isn’t rude about it. And I can insist and get it done. But it brings me back to the age-old question: doesn’t a horse always prefer to graze and be with the herd if given the choice?

    Well, I have a little time this season. Maybe I can dig into this a little deeper. Maybe I can answer it at least for this horse.

    And so I began a new experiment… without a tool of control (halter/lead) or a lure (hay pellets/treats) can I bring her into the pen and convince her to carry me around in there of her own choosing?

    Can I go from a solid partnership – the illusion of choice – to a new layer of real choice where at any time she can disengage and leave without any adverse consequence?

    I went out with the halter and no real plan… well that’s not true. The first day I had big plans. I cycled through plan A, plan B and plan C before I began to see the depth of the truth.

    I had spent about an hour with the herd in the field, my curiosity at first would she choose for me to put on the halter? I was certain I could tell her that’s what we were doing and she would comply… but tolerating and choosing are not the same. She took the opportunity to kick up her heels and push the herd around the large field letting me know that her choice was not to work with me. So now I needed to begin trying to change her mind. I continued my human attempt at conversation with her where she would disengage with me but I would try again. Like unsuccessful courting… however her range of how far she would push the herd began to diminish until at least we were working in a smaller area.

    I had danced my way clumsily into her space and began to get a real honest moment with her where she would go still and relax and accept me there – when she would turn toward me slightly and even take a step in and finally there was a moment where she would stand calmly and accept that it’s likely I’ve earned some right to her time after an hour of waiting her out I saw her give up and accept that this WAS going to happen…

    And I stood next to her quietly and still, and then… walked away.

    I did not even put the halter on her. This was not part of my plan at all.

    I recently had a conversation with Katy Pistole who has a transformational approach to horses and humans where she reminded me: keep in mind that you must get away from seeing success or failure in an interaction with your horse based on their performance or what you “got done” in the session. I already believe this with my entire mind. My mental system concurs, but the truth is deep down I didn’t know HOW to live this out. What a strange thing it is to find out you are believing one thing in your mind but you can see the reality is that you don’t believe it in your depth of being.

    I was ok with changing the goal post either direction as I sort out how things are going, but this was removing the goal post and the ball. What then are we doing out here?

    And I knew: it would have looked to an outside eye like I walked around my field unable to catch my horse for an hour, apparently “gave up a failure” and yet something vitally important had occurred in that time.

    Instead of answers I had even more questions.

    How do I keep conversation with this horse going…I don’t have a lead rope, a halter, a stick, even a limited space pen where she doesn’t have 6 acres to leave into? Will she always walk away from me or ignore me without some way to connect us physically? How can I keep her interested in a connection with me with NO tool and NO lure (food)? Is this a stupid idea? What conversation should I even try to have? What are we even communicating about? Where can I get better equine language skills? I am not very non-verbal naturally – is there any hope for me?

    And yet, I was willing to try. And on the next day a few changes had already occurred. First she never ran off at a trot from me, and though she has a huge field she stayed in a relatively small area. Her retreat zone was already smaller in perimeter than the previous day.

    Also, she allowed me the space next to her much sooner and was relaxed about it, but I still felt more tolerated than welcomed. She gave me access to her “on” side where I normally would prefer to put on the halter sooner as well.

    There came a point I considered quitting for the day. I had seen improvement, but I was coming up short in the conversation department. I didn’t know what else to do, so I found myself standing quietly near her, on the off side, mind wandering a bit as she grazed… what next? I got nothing. And just then, she took a step toward me and began to nibble on the halter almost as if to have me open it up. Which I did.

    Then things got interesting.

    She began exploring the halter, and when I’d offer it open to see if she wanted to put her nose in it she would turn slightly away.

    Ok. So you want to talk about it, but aren’t looking to put your head in there quite yet.

    Then I started to go off the map for me, and began change the conversation completely.

    Let’s talk about the illusion of choice for a moment.

    I have learned a fair amount of horsemanship that using concepts of training the horse. I have worked with shaping a desired behavior with pressure release horsemanship and also with positive reinforcement (clicker/treat) training.

    In either branch of “training”, as K began to show interest in the halter I “should” reward her. Either by removing pressure/punishment release (remove the halter when she shows interest and keep it steady there when she turns away from it) or by click/treat reward to encourage learning and conversation about the halter.

    I have trained my horses to be pretty good at being haltered in both branches. I worked on asking her to lower her head into the halter with pressure-release as our foundation of horsemanship, and this summer I experimented with Positive Reinforcement (clicker/treat training or R+) and could take the halter out, stand a few feet away from the horse and if they knew it was “game time” the horse would walk over to me and put their head into the halter. Fun.

    Today as I was having a truly honest and open conversation with my lead mare, I considered an option I have not tried before: when she turns toward me and the halter, offer it more; and when she turns away, let it go and release.

    My brain began spinning as we experimented. This is essentially rewarding the horse for evading the halter. IF we are training or shaping behavior. What if there was another option? What if I really wanted to switch to trust, conversation, and freedom? If that were the case could I be rewarding her for an honest response? Now I’m in the weeds and I’m not quite sure the terrain. Yet deep down I know I want this relationship to be built on choice, but a really good illusion of choice seems to me the best we have in the other systems.

    Pressure-release says to me You get to choose as long as you choose what I want you to choose!! Great job getting the answer right! I will release you, and when you do something super amazing I will reward you the highest reward I have: I will walk away and leave you in peace. And even though R+ puts the foundation of the work in choice… we don’t reward a horse for leaving us, walking away, or making a “wrong” choice. I like this game of learning approach for some things, but it becomes a bit of a problem when I run out of hay pellets. This system is better at choice because we find out when our own request/behavior is so undesirable to the horse they walk away even in the face of getting cookies. Also I do believe this system in the long run can make a horse feel pretty good about being with the human if done well, but there’s a gap after the cookies before the honesty really comes to the surface… and in the end neither are truly freedom and choice.

    ** Let me clarify I don’t think shaping and training are bad things. Probably they are even necessary — but are they limited to anyone who has the deep dream of more? Who wants to dance instead of train? Who wants the horse to operate as one with them together? Yes we can train horses to do those things but what we really want is partnership and in shaping and training only are we kidding ourselves by creating an illusion of what looks like total connection?**

    This has bothered me at the core for a long time. Training by pressure-release and R+ are better than some old school methods of violence and force toward horses- yet there is something richer I keep feeling is missing.

    I want deeper.

    So the other day I took a plunge and decided to STOP shaping and training Khaleesi, and begin to build a different kind of relationship with her that could very well backfire on me completely at best, and depending on the horse, possible even become dangerous (not likely with K).

    Back to the field experiment…

    Khaleesi explored the halter with me on the off-side at first and if she turned her nose away I removed the halter and when she turned her nose back toward me I presented it again. I opened the noseband and she even began to put her nose slightly into it and then wiggle around.

    Like someone trying to communicate in a totally foreign sign language I thought: she wants me to put this halter and lets go do something? Maybe she’s wondering where my leadership is and why I’m standing around like I have no plan? and so I began to bring the poll piece up over her head… and then she would remove herself and I always removed the halter and let her choose when to re engage.

    We did this a couple times and then she zoned out, looked straight ahead and yawned and chewed and twisted her tongue practically in a loop as she considered the unexpected thing I was doing.

    Next she offered to reposition me on the on-side. This whole conversation continued until I was offering the halter to her with my arm already raised and she could dip her nose through my arms into the halter with my arm over her neck ready to close the poll section over her head. She would lift her head up gently and I would release the poll section and let the halter drop down. She must have done this ten times to check and make sure I meant it. It was like she didn’t really believe that I would let her release herself even from when I had the poll section through the loop- at ANY MOMENT girl, you can say: no thank you.

    This seemed to blow her mind. If I stepped back a moment she stepped closer to me. She wasn’t grazing, she was engaged in this conversation. Finally she stepped away and began to graze a moment. This was ok, it had been over an hour of field work and the last part of the conversation seemed really deep to me. It touched things in my own heart that I would need to process too. So I slowly stepped away and began to walk back to the barn.

    As I looked back I saw she had taken a few more steps toward me and was still looking intently at me. I paused, I squatted down where I was and waited. After a few moments she crossed more than half the distance between us and then stopped again- intently watching me.

    I waited a moment, and then walked over to her. She greeted me with her muzzle to my hand, and then she returned to grazing, and I walked off to the barn.

    I have struggled with the idea of solid leadership versus listening to the horse and getting with the horse so that they can get with you. I’ve heard more times than I can count that if you don’t “be the boss” — or at least in a way I prefer to think of it “be a good leader” then you are both just going to be confused.

    I think there is important truth in this. I do need to lead the conversation, however as I consider the greatest leader ever… the God who created the universe and the horse and me, I see that He tells us that great leadership is always in service. And we must serve in love. Love is patient, kind, does not demand it’s own way, is not arrogant, it is not frustrated, irritated or resentful… love rejoices in truth. Love bears all things. Love believes and hopes and endures.

    Is it possible to lead a horse this way? Some parts are obvious. Leave your ego at the door and choose humility. We know patience is vital with horses. We know being mean, mad, annoyed or frustrated will kill our ability to work together with them. Everyone I know believes kindness is important… but, does not demand it’s own way?

    If God is love… does HE NOT demand his way? Wait. Have I ever considered this as a truth? Doesn’t God actually demand we do things his way if we want to have relationship with him? Certainly he has a higher plan available if I will trust him. Just like I have a higher plan available to K if she would trust me. Horses love to graze and be with the herd, but I also believe giving them purpose is good for them, and I’ve felt her come alive in race day and sink into deep consideration when we find new balance together in the arena. Things she can’t do on her own with the herd.

    Now as I’m leaving the field my analytical mind begins clicking new gears. God doesn’t just love the world, God IS love. And then God gives us the definition of love in the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13). If these things are true about love… then they HAVE to be true about the character of God himself!

    Khaleesi will do just about anything and pretty willingly, but there is a part of her that she holds back. I do not have her heart, her complete trust, her spirit (or soul.. whichever is the inner being of an animal which is different from a human). We are a strong business partnership, but we lack the intimacy of a deeper connection.

    She is my mirror. The hang up as I gaze into that mirror in the field this week is that I also lack trust in intimacy. To be clear- we are not called to deep intimacy in all our relationships, but there is a calling from the heart of the creator of the universe to us to let him in- all the way in- to the deepest part of ourselves… and yet it takes time and trust to get there and intimacy cannot be forced, it must be given. Similarly Khaleesi will have to choose if I am worthy of that deeper layer of her freedom, and I will have to prove my own heart of love for her.

    Maybe this creature, this gift from the creator will help me understand and change that in a way that is healing in my own heart. Maybe HE is trying to tell me something, about how I hold back layers from his own heart of love. Probably there are changes in me that must happen before Khaleesi will sense the security and worthiness in me.

    The story is not finished yet. I don’t know if I’m on a ridiculous useless tangent or on the road to something magical. I’m going to take a chance and see where the path leads.

    And so to the field I go…